Idiot Wind

Stupid Celeb #1

Sharon Stone, bad Chinese karma and the utter f**k-witted arrogance of the C-list Hollywood liberal in need of a PR hit.

Poor cow lost the Dior fragrance contract as a consequence of stating that the 70,000 killed in the recent earthquake was karmic pay-back for China's treatment of Tibet..

The sheer bloody arrogance of the woman and the sheer bloody naivety of her statement!

Of course, no animals are ever harmed in the manufacture of cosmetics right? So while la legs-akimbo-slapper's bank balance takes a hit, her precious, bollock-headed karma is intact.

Durr..

Stupid Quazi-Celebs #2

Bloody hell, bank holidays just keep getting worse. A Monday when decent God-fearing folk set about making Arks, the rest of us retreated indoors with the heating on high and waited-out the deluge in front of the goggle. And what do we get for our sins? WAGs on The Weakest Link.

What a great idea, gather a load of self-obsessed cretins and ask them simple questions -- about something other than themselves, shoes, handbags and football players.

A modern variation on a visit to the asylum as the 18th century equivalent to a day at Alton Towers. Let's laugh at the loonies 21st century stylee..

Genius.

Ha. And Danielle Lloyd won!!

An example of this tremendously entertaining hogwash:

Q. Anne Robinson: What is the childhood game in which boys and girls dress up as hospital staff called? Doctors and what?

A: Charley Uchea (who??): Oh, oh my God.... Doctors and Wives!

Can this scourge of preening subhumans be exterminated in the interests of generations to come? It doesn't have to be humane, for fish I sense are more cognizant than this batch of plastic bimbos.

If not, then at the very least, can they be rounded-up and exacted to lab experiments? There must be something deeply intriguing to medical science for surely the missing link is there for all to see week-in, week-out in the pages of Heat, Grazia et al..

Love Is A Losing Game

OK. Chelsea lost. You don't score, you don't win.

All the agonising over JT sending Van der Sar the wrong way, but slipping and hoofing the ball high and right -- right to the outside edge of the post -- is past. I promise.

Well, nearly..

I'm still angry at Drogba for getting pointlessly sent off and not being available for penalty duty and Anekla's pathetically poor effort. (The odds are long on either of them being in the squad in August).

All-in-all, I've been feeling rather forlorn about the whole thing for the last four or five days. After all, it was far more painful than the previously famous English penalty farces of Pierce and Southgate. This time it was one lion on my shirt -- and one lion is far more precious (to me) than three.

But time is a healer and with nearly a week passed I'm getting over it (I am petri). Also the powers that be have moved quickly to rebuild. Grant is out -- no silverware, second in the Champions League, second in the Premiership and second in the Carling Cup -- doesn't cut it these days on the Fulham Road. A bit harsh I feel, but that's life with the oligarchs. And reportage in recent days of speculation and scramble for a replacement have at least wiped the sports pages of weasels in red jerseys.

Personally, I'm encouraged by revelations of a warming in Russian/Portuguese relations with news of The Special One's role as 'off-line' counsellor to team owner and key players in recent weeks. And the fact of Roman gifting the George Clooney of footie a rare Ferrari -- a snip at £2million -- isn't exactly indication of utter hatred and an intractable difference of opinion.

But reports are that Jose is near to signing with Internazionale. Don't do it!

So if he does, the list of contenders is enticing. Didier Deschamps, Frank Rijkaard, Luiz Felipe Scolari and erm, Sven-Goran Eriksson.

Scratch the Swede from the above list and bring in Gianfranco Zola as understudy and the season's disappointing under-performance (it's all relative ;-) might seem a success after all.

Carefree

Been A Long Time..

Now work, football and influenza madness have passed, as the honourable guvn'r used to say..

"I'll be back"

All Or Nothing (or Something..Maybe)

Two heroic performances at Stamford Bridge leave us equal on points at the top of the Premiership (behind on goal difference with two games to play) and in the Champion's League Final on 21 May.

A Carling Cup defeat to Tottingham and the FA Cup semi loss to Barnsley are distant memories, and given the current situation, meaningless piffles.

I knawed my way through the nails on my left hand as we beat ManUre on Saturday, and I chiselled away at nearly all on my right hand during last night's CL victory over Liverpool. I've saved a right thumbnail for Monday afternoon's away game at Newcastle and plan a programme of accelerated regrowth for a fortnight's time..

What now? Is an historic double in the offing? Can ManUre drop a point in the last two remaining Premiership games (West Ham and Wigan -- home and away respectively) and can we win both games? Moreover, if we both win both, can we narrow the GD by scoring >18 goals in two games -- on Tyneside and home to Bolton?

Tantalising..

And, given our owner's heritage, surely the CL final in Moscow gives Chelski a home advantage ;-)

I just love the brattish whinging of Fergie. Oh, and Rafa -- who let the Drogs Out? You did, dickhead.

Avram -- you're clearly a winner and certainly have more gravitas in your left earlobe than your 'Big 4' peers. My apologies for doubting.

Of course, we could only win one, or then again, we could win nothing. Either way, a -- literally -- nail biting spectacular and magnificent close to the season.

Carefree