Speaking In Tongues

I received this nonsense as a pitch for an advertorial this morning. ..Well I can't fathom its meaning, but then I am suffering a virulent bout of manflu.

You have a go.

"We are reaching a wide audience who may or may not understand the opportunities that exist in the industry and really hit home with a number of key benefits geared to transform curiosity into action."

Eh..?

And Here We Go Again..

Parking suspended on our street from midnight tonight to midnight Tuesday.

Now wondering who will be digging up the road and why and even if anything will happen at all.

Moreover, I'm wondering at why the midnight limits. Do these works happen at night? I hope not as they're just outside the bedroom window.

Mmmmm..

Dumb And Dumber 2

..And lo today, the parking suspension signs have disappeared.

Clearly, that very special olympic torch handover planned for Brighton Road was diverted to Mare Street at the last minute..

Chaos averted, but will those poor sods ticketed overnight be able to successfully appeal? Will they ****!

Dumb And Dumber

So Hackney Council - in its infinite stupidity - has struck again.

There are notices the length of Brighton Road that parking is suspended along the whole street for two days from midnight tonight to midnight Friday.

And the reason for this wholesale suspension of parking privileges? ...Unknown and unfathomable.

Are they going to resurface the whole road in two days? ... Highly doubtful.

Is one (or more) of the nation's magnificent utilities going to dig a very long hole, effect necessary works, refill and resurface in a couple of days? ...See that flying pig?

These are typically the two reasons for suspending parking. And when there are works, suspension is usually phased.

So why close a whole street for 48 hours?

Surely not to generate revenue? Tsk.

The same thing happened on our street too -- you may recall my giddy note about a few months ago. Parking was suspended then for the better part of a week and through all that time there wasn't a hint of works, repairs, deliveries, police actions, protest marches ot ticker-tape parades. But still PCNs were liberally issued.

I shudder to think how many weaselly little parking wardens the council has drafted-in to patrol (erm, skulk around) in the wee small hours and stick in-disputable penalty notices on the unsuspecting homeowner's Mini, GeeWizz or (ehem) Land Rover..? A small army I'll be bound.

And closing off parking in Brighton just means that everyone from zone E must move their vehicles and park half a mile away. ..Because of course, if we were to park conveniently around the corner, we'd be in the wrong zone and liable to further penalty. ..Probably clamped given the council's malicious, inept and preposterous planning strategy.

Damn. I really hate Hackney Council.

I could, of course, be proven wrong and there might be a brilliant, logical and wonderfully altrusitic reason for this 48 hour disruption.

..But then we're right back to those porkers upon high.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Apparently it's not enough to merely home, feed, water, walk and generally tend to the every need of one's furry friend. No sir-ee.

As Kate Muir noted in her Sunday Times magazine column today, the right-on PC brigade demand that our critters are afforded a level respect hitherto reserved for royalty and the mega-elite.

So for fear of offending the delicate sensibilities of our canine and feline companions, they are no longer to be classed as pets, but animal companions.

Are they soon to be awarded suffrage too?

Has the world gone mad?