My Arse In A Porno

Really, it is!

I've just popped out of the office to get some cash and a bite and while idling with a cigarette at Marylebone Station's main gate (the office is across the road from the terminus) I saw something really unusual.

Amid the general flow of people coming in and out of the station and nearby office-types picking up lunch and laundry I noted a woman being greeted by a man.

Nothing unusual in that. It's a station after all and a perfectly natural place for people to meet and greet.

But this 'greeting' was very staged and was clearly a scene for a porn film.

I'll explain..

Our gallant gentleman waiting for his lady is a sleazy trendy-type - with teased hair, jaunty hipsters and what my old Amsterdam mate Jay would call 'porno shades.' Let's call him Chad.

Chad's holding a photo, sort-of a model's portfolio shot. But sans clothes and in provocative pose, he's clearly here to meet a very particular kind of model to perform a rather specialised, ehem, 'assignment.'

The woman's not striking, but long-limbed and slim, kinda slutty-looking in cheap high street fashions and with a bad ratty dye-job. Let's call her Mitzy.

OK, nothing too unusual here, I hear you cry. It's just old CSS being disparaging about the appearance of the chavvy populace again.

Au contraire, au contraire..

What's really different is that our gigolo Chad is holding a digital video recorder and films Mitzy as she walks (in an exaggerated hip-swinging manner) toward him and greets him with hug a kiss on each cheek.

He then gestures to a parked Merc and feigns waved introduction to another fella waiting, this time an oily business-type of indeterminate middle-eastern origin. Let's call this chappie Tony.

And as Mitzy turns to wave at Tony in this bizarre scene, Chad pans his camera the length of our heroine's body, lingering particularly long on her bust and rear.

They then walk together to Tony and the car.

I'll admit, I'm intrigued so light another smoke and see what happens.

Instead of driving off, Chad and Mitzy get out of the car and set-up to do it all over again. Take 2, if you like..

So the scene is re-shot, but mid-way through, I think that there's been too much idling and excitement for one lunchtime and head back to work.

But as I walk back across the front of the station, Chad and Mitzy are walking behind me toward Tony and the car. The camera's still rolling.

So if this take is the one they use, then my rear is clearly in shot.

This means that I can honestly and without equivocation say that my (albeit trousered) arse is featured in a porno flick.

Yeah baby!