Mad Cows..?

Hackney Dwellers #1

You have two cows
They are both stolen
You order your milk from Waitrose
It is expensive but organic

Hackney Dwellers #2

You have a cow
You see another cow
Both have benefits
Both are lovely...
You know that you can only have one cow
You spend ages working out the pros and cons of each cow...
You wonder whether the mooing of the second cow will be soothing, or sound unfamiliar
The first cow has a very different moo...
You wonder whether the smell of the second cow might bother you
You remind yourself that the first cow doesn't smell all that good sometimes...
You query whether, in practice, you would be able to milk the second cow - it is much bigger than the first cow...
You arrange a viewing to see the second cow
You consider (against all your better instincts and principles), instructing Foxtons to sell the first cow
You know it would be worth it, but also that it will be expensive and stressful

Country House

OK, we've had builders and gardeners all over the place this, ehem, summer. There was a good reason -- the old place hadn't been sorted since Victoria was on the throne.

The upheaval was nasty, but ultimately worth it. Now we have a great place that will serve as a lovely home for a good while until we *need* more space..

But we have always planned on moving out of London in two or three years.

Anyway, with work done and artisans paid in full, it's only reasonable to have a few agents over to review and appraise..

Eeks! North London valuations are bonkers at 28% increase year-on-year.


And as fate would have it, the details of this beautie -- of comparable price and 30 minutes from King's Cross -- arrived randomly by email last week.

Forget the mid-term plan. The green-ward move may be very very near indeed.

..And so the the story begins.

The Worst Route Planner In The World..?

I only want to get from north London to Richmond Upon Thames..

The Build -- Before And After

Not exactly sequential, but you get the drift.
..Suffice it to say, we're rather pleased.

The Indignity Of It

"I want to lick my foot and I feel like a prat.."

This Charming Man

Interviewer: Have you ever faked an orgasm?

Lemmy: No, but I have faked foreplay once or twice.

Pot, Kettle, Black

No not poor old Conrad. He's gonna get his in clink and isn't the only corporate nasty on my shit list today.

BA's chief executive Willie Walsh has today joined the throng criticising Heathrow Airport for handling some 68 million passengers a year when it is only designed to manage 45 million.

"It has gone well beyond the point at which we can expect our customers to put up with the standards," Walsh said of the venerable terminus.

He joins a number of other high-profile and vocal hypocrites having a pop at lovely LHR..

London's Mayor Ken Livingstone and Sir Thomas Harris, vice chairman of Standard Chartered Capital Markets have also damned the world's busiest international airport this week for being too busy.

In his *not unusual for him* irrational outburst, Ken said that Heathrow "shames" the city. Ehem, trips to Venezuela, buddies with the monster Chavez, concentration camp guard quips.. Ken, you really are an arse, aren't you..?

But back to you Willie boy.

Hey, Wills -- tell me all about your concern for the welfare of those customers of yours. Didn't you just get dropped in it by Branson for fixing long-haul prices as revenge for all your dirty tricks? That nasty American Department of Justice just fined you £270 million for hiking fuel surcharges over a one and a half year period (August 2004 to January 2006) from £5 to £60!

[Note: Sneaky wriggle-out by the complicit snitches at Virgin.]

Mmmm. Your indignation is righteous indeed.

Now that's the kind of customer concern I'm after from an airline.