Ever Feel Like You've Been Cheated?

I suppose we should count ourselves lucky that we havn't been touched too directly by the rampant crime of grimy north Gotham.

We aren't completely untouched, but nothing bad. P had her phone snatched from her hand on the street a couple of years ago. Some dullards pinched three topiary planters from our light well. A moron broken into the car over the first May Bank Holiday, but only caused a broken rear passenger window and nicked the TomTom from the glove box. ..And last night I was scammed at my front door.

At about 20:15, half-way through a (homealone)dinner consumed in-front of a rerun of British Style Genius, I was disturbed by a knock at the door. A very apologetic smartly-dressed (business casual) gent in his late 20s/early 30s introduced himself as our new neighbour (on the right). Not completely implausible as the house next door has been sold and this same chap introduced himself as such to P on Monday evening too.

Him to me (and also on mobile phone to supposed wife): "I'm very sorry, but we're awaiting a delivery and I have no cash and my wife is stuck in traffic. I wouldn't ask, but the delivery will be here in a few minutes and I need £7."

My mind: Tick. Tick. Tick. He seems OK. P did say that she'd met the new neighbour. He looks tidy and is neutrally well-spoken. Does he want me to take his delivery? I'm kinda pissed off as I'm half-way through my food. All I want is for him to go away -- and quick. OK. Here's a tenner.

Him to me ('corrected' via mobile phone by 'wife'): "Oh sorry, that's £27 not £7."

Me: "OK, as your going to be living next door -- heck, I know where you live. Here's £30. Pay me back next week sometime."

And about 15 minutes later, our neighbour (a real one this time, on the left) knocked on the door and asked me about my ...brother.

Me: Eh? I don't have a brother.

Legitimate neighbour: "That's funny, a guy saying he was your brother knocked on the door a few minutes ago asking for money to cover the cost of -- yep, you guessed it -- a delivery."

Thinking back too, a couple of bobbies did come by on Monday evening responding to a call from two doors down regarding a man asking for money at their door..

Ddduuuummmmmm. Eureka moment. I've been done up like a kipper.

And here's me, Meldrew of the North, out of the goodness of my heart and against my better (or worse) nature, being taken for thirty quid on my own doorstep.

So as an additional security precaution and should matey boy be planning to inflict greater injury to my property, the heavy wooden doors in the lower ground floor bay are tightly shut until the pooch returns at the weekend.

And I never thought I'd be actively welcoming the return of the dog's most annoying habit -- loud, incessant barking at the front door. But it's a great deterrent to n'er do wells of all stripes.

And if I ever see that 'neighbour' of mine again ...I'll call the cops, of course.