At home, we're clearing and preparing the spare bedroom -- transforming from P's 'boudoir' to GF's nursery -- as well as thinking about how grown-ups things can be moved and stored to accommodate the nipper.
But babies also need loads and loads and loads of stuff -- and damn, much of it is expensive.
Thankfully, there's a marvelous man called Mr. John Lewis who'll kindly take care of everything.
You just go online and create a list -- kinda like a wedding list. The difference -- for us, anyway -- is that ours is a personal 'work in progress' and not for friends and family to contribute to. ..Why would they?
The great thing is that you can just browse the Web site and keep adding things, edit as you go and then take said list to one of the nice Mr. Lewis' many national outlets where a munchkin will guide you around, help you 'kick the wheels', refine to the essentials, add and delete and then a few weeks later, a gang of chaps from an assortment of Europe's expansion states rock-up at your door with the haul.
And of course, the biggest -- and in many ways -- the most exciting item (for Pa anyway) is the buggy.
It's a kinda new car substitute -- because, heck, I ain't gonna get a new one myself anytime soon. Indeed, with P off on maternity (read: one income for the next year), she gets to have the 'Drover full time and I get to dust-off the Oyster card. The indignity of it..
So we peruse the wibbly-wobbly for what's on offer. You'd think it simple. After all, it's just a buggy -- baby, for the transportation of. But no, there are hundreds out there, all across the price scale. And the best of the lot is (apparently) a Bugaboo Chameleon -- a snip at a few measly shillings under 600 nicker.
Which is, of course, the one we've chosen. A nice one too in natty 'denim' which is the hip way of saying, ehem, mid-blue.But if it's not harm enough for me to be robbed blind for 'baby, the transportation of', must the nice people at Bugaboo (I have no idea, but for some reason I'm sure they're Scandies or Cloggies), in cahoots with the ubiquitous Welsh shopkeeper, have to patronise me too?
This is how the grammatically challenged blurb in Mr. Lewis' catalogue sells to me ...the already sold.
Distinctive design, intuitive handling plus mix and match colours. No wonder funky new mums (and dads) love Bugaboo! They make traveling with baby simple and stylish. Whether you're nipping out for a newspaper, strolling on the beach or planning an adventurous walk on rough terrain, Bugaboo won't let you down.
Makes it sound like a cross between a 911, a Defender and a Lear jet ..or something.
Utter cock.
Does it change the nappies too?
I'm sure it's a great thing with lots of adaptability, accessories and add-ons etc., but it seems to be more of a status symbol for the self-consciously smug Observer-reading parents (us), than the wee chap or chapette. Dads get to replace eyeing one another's respective motors at the lights by displaying conspicuous baby-related consumption at the local organic caff or gastro-creche.
Thank God I don't have to deal with breast pumps and maternity bras.
I shudder to think at how the copywriting monsters at Mothercare and the like spin these devices of torture to the poor novice mothers.
2 comments:
Minefield innit? Don't forget they're supposed to be facing you these days - according to the 'latest reports', although that means you can see the wee blighters ARRGH..
The thing we have may be half lime green (twas then last season's colour way, daaaahling)and black but mothercare's 'urban detour range works, and damned well too. 120 nicker, great handling, cheap as chips ...blaahhhh...
You're missing out on all the important stuff: O to 60 in how long? Torque? Ceramic brakes? etc. etc. What you need to do is read out the copy in full Clarkson mode -- much more exciting.
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