Environmental Fascism

Dear Resident,

I am writing to let you know that from 27 February 2006, it will be compulsory for all households to separate their waste for recycling.

...Blah, blah, blah. Two more pages of condescending politico-blather from Comrade Jessica Crowe (any relation to arsehole Bob?), Deptuty Mayor and Cabinet Member for Environment, Hackney Council

Not only is this riddled with gramatical errors, it's patronising, authoritarian and frankly annoying.

I'm generally a well-balanced and reasonable man, and not one to construct a persecution complex of endless directed-at-me conspiracy theories.

All right, a lilly gilded, and I will admit to slight Meldrew tendencies.

But one thing that continues to really get my goat is Hackney Council. Not only am I paying two sets of monthly council taxes in an obscenely high band to one of the most expensive councils in the UK, but I seem to get precious little in return.

It's been a few months since my last rant about street cleaning and rubbish removal, and of course, nothing's changed. There are still enough discarded and rusting fridges, washing machines, PCs and TVs to make Albert Steptoe salivate with glee.

What are the council doing to remove this blight for our streets? Absolutely bloody nothing, of course.

I know because I call them often enough to remind them that our little part of N16 is fast resembling a neglected and underprivileged trailer park in the Deep South. I'm then politely reminded that 'Travellers' have rights too and this is a multi-racial, culturally diverse and all-round Eden of enlightened co-existence.

OK. I'm fine with this -- in principal. I canvassed for Kinnock between the wars don't you know. But, dammit, let's get the street cleaned.

But no. That's too simple. Simplicity doesn't provide enough opportunities for politically infirm career eejits to form committees, quangos and focus groups and have long pompous, self-serving meetings.

So instead of cleaning and clearing the streets, Hackney is gung-ho for recycling. Again, I'm broadly in support of this worth initiative. But -- surprise, surprise -- there's a gaping disconnect between concept and practical application.

Hackney now insist that we all adhere to a regimen of using colour-coded plastic bins for our recycled waste. Green, blue and brown for bottles and cans, paper and garden cuttings.

Again, great. Colour-codes are perfect for my Pooh Bear-sized male brain. Signpost something clearly enough, and I'll get there in the end..

The only problem is that these delightful municipal containers are amassed outside everyone’s front doors and littering the streets.

Simply, a lot of people just don't have the room to house these things, so instead keep them outside their homes to further serve the community as ready bins for anything that the idle passer-by chooses to lob in -- bottles (broken), beer cans, fast food packaging, spittle, vomit.. The list goes on.

Solution: More big recycling centres and more frequent emptying of said. This would not only ensure that we dutiful citizens comply with the junta's latest insane directive, but also means that our streets are clear, tidy and free of obstacles.

This is a photo from the recycling section of Hackney's own Web site -- I'm guessing that it's intended to make these dumb receptacles seem somehow desirable..?



I think you get the point.