..Or when the presence of two of the UK's leading comedians and the country's pre-eminent television 'personality' just isn't enough.
"Steven Patrick Morrissey is unwell!"
So quoth arguably the funniest man in England.
"But that's OK, as David Walliams is going to entertain you instead".
And he weren't joking, neither.
On any other night the presence of Russell Brand, one half of Little Britain and Jonathan Ross on the same stage would be near sublime. But not last Friday. Last Friday, I was at the new, revamped Roundhouse in Chalk Farm to witness one night of a short, intimate north London residency by the fêted ex-Smith.
With limited space, tickets had sold-out instantly and to, it would seem, only the truly devout. I can't recall a pre-gig atmosphere so loaded with anticipation. Maybe, Joe Strummer's return from 'the wilderness' at The Astoria in '99 tops it, but only just.. Anyway, you can gauge the relative importance of these things by the (dis)proportion of celebs to humble punters milling around the bar. And by Friday’s turn-out in NW1 The Ivy, The Groucho, Annabel’s et al were in for a lean night.
At about 8:30pm it all seemed to be going so well.
OK, between them, my cab driver and his sat-nav couldn't seem to find their way across three postcodes and I had to complete the journey from home to venue via the northern line. But I made it there in plenty of time.
Easy through the ticket line, easy into the main space and easy to the bar. Easy to Red Stripe and easy then to good vantage point. All going swimmingly.
I missed the support (on purpose) and when I'd settled into my spot at 8:45pm, the pre-show entertainment was stock footage of '50s and '60s pop culture icons like James Dean and Brigitte Bardot. All so very Morrissey.
Bang on cue, 9:00pm, and the films end, stage light dim and The Man and his band take the stage.
A-D-U-L-A-T-I-O-N
Mozz opens with the Smiths' Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want This Time; then The Last of the International Playboys; then a couple of new songs. Then nothing. No Morrissey. No band. No nothing. Then ten minutes pass and messrs. Brand, Ross and Walliams appear with the terminal news. Moz ain't well.
I'd have preferred to be told a bit sooner, but ho hum. Shuffle out, hail a black cab (someone who ought to know where he's going) and track back Stokie-ward in time to catch the floppy-haired dandy's pre-recorded chat show.
Musically, this year really isn't starting very well. The date I chose from Carbon/Silicon's six weeks of consecutive Fridays residence at Ladbroke Grove was cancelled and now Mozza's lost his voice. Fingers crossed that C/S can make it third-time lucky for me on the 22nd and that the return to The Roundhouse doesn't conflict with anything very important and already diarised, like a foreign trip or a wedding..
Anyway, gig or no gig, the intense pre-concert back-catalogue run-through has ensured that Mo has been a firm fixture on That Tune In My Head –- all in all, a distinct improvement on crappy daytime TV theme tunes of a week ago.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
It Must Be Love..
A few more observations on the brilliance of the TomTom..
• It figures out the route and is typically very accurate
• It estimates journey times and ETA -- again, quite accurately
• It gives me a long-range view of the journey -- how many miles to the next exit etc.
• It warns me when I'm approaching speed cameras -- about every 500 yards in London
• It tells me when I'm driving over the speed limit
• It provides a wide-angle view of the surrounding area -- lakes, countryside, intersections, and so on..
• It is negotiating a peace settlement in the Middle East, eradicating worldwide hunger and reversing global warming ..well, probably
It is, quite literally, the most wonderful thing in the world!
• It figures out the route and is typically very accurate
• It estimates journey times and ETA -- again, quite accurately
• It gives me a long-range view of the journey -- how many miles to the next exit etc.
• It warns me when I'm approaching speed cameras -- about every 500 yards in London
• It tells me when I'm driving over the speed limit
• It provides a wide-angle view of the surrounding area -- lakes, countryside, intersections, and so on..
• It is negotiating a peace settlement in the Middle East, eradicating worldwide hunger and reversing global warming ..well, probably
It is, quite literally, the most wonderful thing in the world!
Friday, January 11, 2008
Spend, Spend, Spend
No Drogba, no Shevchenko, no Kalou. Can't really trust Pizzaro as lone striker. Mmmm, what's a little ol' Siberian oligarch (and his YTS manager) to do?
..Let's have an Anelka.
He may have been a Gooner once, but I'll forgive hime that -- we've still got Cashley after all :-(
Nicky-boy's been all over -- Bolton (of course, for about 3 minutes), Liverpool, Man City, Real Madrid and Fenerbahce -- and at 28 still has a few good years left. Oh, and he's scored 11 goals in 22 games.
Hey, if he can keep that up, £15m is well worth the four or five weeks we really need him.
Welcome Nic.
OK, now for Micah Richards, David Villa, Daniel Alves, Modric ...and don't forget Ronaldinho!
Carefree
..Let's have an Anelka.
He may have been a Gooner once, but I'll forgive hime that -- we've still got Cashley after all :-(
Nicky-boy's been all over -- Bolton (of course, for about 3 minutes), Liverpool, Man City, Real Madrid and Fenerbahce -- and at 28 still has a few good years left. Oh, and he's scored 11 goals in 22 games.
Hey, if he can keep that up, £15m is well worth the four or five weeks we really need him.
Welcome Nic.
OK, now for Micah Richards, David Villa, Daniel Alves, Modric ...and don't forget Ronaldinho!
Carefree
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Arrested Development
This Christmas was a lurch backward some 30 years. But unlike the fictional DI Sam Taylor, my return to the 1970s was one of choice. Moreover, making such a nostalgic trip to childhood had a high likelihood of let-down and disappointment. After all, what one recalls fondly of three decades past at the age of nine or ten, is unlikely to hold in (near;-)middle age.
This year I asked Santa and sundries for a series of Dan Dare comic books, all accurate reprints from the original plates used in the strip's initial run in the 1950s Eagle comic book.
**See detail below on Dan Dare, Pilot of the Future.
Far from disappointed, I've been very happily surprised, not only by the quality of the graphics, but of the sheer imagination in the storylines. And given that the strips were produced in the post-war austerity of 50s Britain, their ethics are decidedly enlightened.
Set in the near future 1990s, earth is a place of universal equality and hunger has been eliminated. In these stories, earth's threats lie somewhere in outer space (the Solar System) -- notably the Mighty Mekon of Mekonta hailing from the north of Venus. While somewhat 'whitebread' and patriarchal (our hero is terribly British, stiff upper lip and all), there's a strong female lead character too, Dr. Jocelyn Peabody, chief scientist, no less, a character of pluck and resource and far from simpering love interest. Ethnicities (green) are covered by a good Treen or Venetian, Sondar, who turned against the wicked Mekon.
Another graphical blast from the past which might have proven more troublesome ethically was the gift of a compendium of 12 of the best Commando comic strips.
All set in WWs 1 and 2, these stories are of brave Tommies overcoming the pesky Hun. All "Achtung!", "Gott in Himmel!", "Donner und Blitzen!" Well, on the face of it anyway... Actually, all the stories -- exceptionally inked btw -- are more about personal decency, honour and goodness than sticking it to Fritz. Battles (land, sea and air) against the Germans are merely a foil for characters to undertake personal journeys of test and discovery, a latter-day Gawain or Launcelot if you like.
OK, "Die! Englischer schweinhund", is extreme and bang out of order today, but again, like Dan, these strips were written in the 1960s, a very different time.
Once past the occasional post-war lapse of reason, and these too are damn fine -- nay meaninful -- entertainments.
This year I asked Santa and sundries for a series of Dan Dare comic books, all accurate reprints from the original plates used in the strip's initial run in the 1950s Eagle comic book. **See detail below on Dan Dare, Pilot of the Future.
Far from disappointed, I've been very happily surprised, not only by the quality of the graphics, but of the sheer imagination in the storylines. And given that the strips were produced in the post-war austerity of 50s Britain, their ethics are decidedly enlightened.
Set in the near future 1990s, earth is a place of universal equality and hunger has been eliminated. In these stories, earth's threats lie somewhere in outer space (the Solar System) -- notably the Mighty Mekon of Mekonta hailing from the north of Venus. While somewhat 'whitebread' and patriarchal (our hero is terribly British, stiff upper lip and all), there's a strong female lead character too, Dr. Jocelyn Peabody, chief scientist, no less, a character of pluck and resource and far from simpering love interest. Ethnicities (green) are covered by a good Treen or Venetian, Sondar, who turned against the wicked Mekon. Another graphical blast from the past which might have proven more troublesome ethically was the gift of a compendium of 12 of the best Commando comic strips.
All set in WWs 1 and 2, these stories are of brave Tommies overcoming the pesky Hun. All "Achtung!", "Gott in Himmel!", "Donner und Blitzen!" Well, on the face of it anyway... Actually, all the stories -- exceptionally inked btw -- are more about personal decency, honour and goodness than sticking it to Fritz. Battles (land, sea and air) against the Germans are merely a foil for characters to undertake personal journeys of test and discovery, a latter-day Gawain or Launcelot if you like.
OK, "Die! Englischer schweinhund", is extreme and bang out of order today, but again, like Dan, these strips were written in the 1960s, a very different time.
Once past the occasional post-war lapse of reason, and these too are damn fine -- nay meaninful -- entertainments.
**Dan Dare is a classic British science fiction comic hero, created by illustrator Frank Hampson for the Eagle comic story Dan Dare, Pilot of the Future in 1950.
Although the stories were set in the late 1990s, the dialogue and manner in which all the characters interact is reminiscent of British war films of the 1950s (it has been described as "Biggles in Space" or the British equivalent of Buck Rogers). Dan Dare was distinguished by its long, complex story lines (sometimes lasting for over a year), snappy dialogue and meticulously illustrated comic-strip artwork by Hampson and other artists.
Dan Dare first appeared on the cover of the first issue of the weekly comic strip magazine Eagle, on 14 April 1950. There were two large colour pages of this story per issue. The artwork was of a very high quality, being the product of a team of artists working in a studio system. This included scale models of spaceships, and models posing in costume as points of reference for the artists.
Attention was paid to scientific plausibility, with the science fiction luminary Arthur C. Clarke acting as a science and plot adviser to the first strip. The stories were set mostly on planets of the solar system, which were presumed to have extraterrestrial life and alien inhabitants, as was common in science fiction of the era before the space probes of the 1960s proved that the most likely worlds were really lifeless. The first story, for example, begins with Dan Dare as pilot of the first successful flight to Venus.
Dan Dare (full name Colonel Daniel McGregor Dare) was chief pilot of the Interplanet Space Fleet, stated as having been born in Manchester, England in the year 1967. Although not a super-hero, he would sometimes pull off exceptional feats of piloting, and often proved to be extraordinarily lucky. He excelled at hand-to-hand combat using jiu jitsu, but he would most often find non-violent solutions to his predicaments. He was bound by a strong sense of honour to the extent that he never lied, and would rather die than break his word.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
TomTom Club
Eeks December has been a busy month. Anyway, enough of that as it's all work and rather dull..
2007 rounded-out just as it does every year with frantic car-filling and hours and hours on the nation's motorway system tracking from one family gathering to another and back again.
This year though Santa, my erstwhile navigator on such journeys, decided to resign her duties and instead buy me a TomTom satellite navigator.
Woo ho. It's love at first instruction. Straight outta the box, the little beautie works a treat. OK, it did tell me a few wrong 'uns in North London, but soon corrected itself. The real test was its effortless negotiation of the hell that is Milton Keynes' system of roundabouts. All done with aplomb. No shouting or swearing from me and plain sailing, so to speak, all the way there and home again.
OK, it is a little bossy, but firmness is what's required.
Strangely my ex-navigator began to show signs of jealously of the disembodied female 'BBC English' voice of direction -- and with map in hand began proposing alternative routes home. How very old meedja if a little quaint.
No chance, love. You had your chance and now I trust the brilliant little device to get us calmly and accurately from A to B and indeed, anywhere else through a figurative alphabet of destinations.
2007 rounded-out just as it does every year with frantic car-filling and hours and hours on the nation's motorway system tracking from one family gathering to another and back again.
This year though Santa, my erstwhile navigator on such journeys, decided to resign her duties and instead buy me a TomTom satellite navigator.Woo ho. It's love at first instruction. Straight outta the box, the little beautie works a treat. OK, it did tell me a few wrong 'uns in North London, but soon corrected itself. The real test was its effortless negotiation of the hell that is Milton Keynes' system of roundabouts. All done with aplomb. No shouting or swearing from me and plain sailing, so to speak, all the way there and home again.
OK, it is a little bossy, but firmness is what's required.
Strangely my ex-navigator began to show signs of jealously of the disembodied female 'BBC English' voice of direction -- and with map in hand began proposing alternative routes home. How very old meedja if a little quaint.
No chance, love. You had your chance and now I trust the brilliant little device to get us calmly and accurately from A to B and indeed, anywhere else through a figurative alphabet of destinations.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Where Are You Special One?
At home doing end-of-year appraisals and battling PeopleSoft. Tres dull.
My list of topics to blog remains just a list. From the week's news, as yet unformed rants comprise:
• Dangerous dogs -- 42% rise is dog attacks in London
• Labour Party funding -- Dirty, dirty, dirty
• Bungs in football -- Harry R is innocent; Harman for England
• Clissold Leisure Centre -- 15 years late, costing Hackney tax payers £47m
• Sudan teacher and teddy bears -- Them fuzzy-wuzzies don't like it up 'em
Ho hum, I have at least mangaged to break a record in Labels..
So in place of the usual sound and fury signifying nowt, an amusing bon mot from Popbitch.
Brian Barwick sees an old lady in the street struggling with heavy shopping.
"Can you manage love?" he asks.
"It's OK", she says, "I don't want the job, thanks".
My list of topics to blog remains just a list. From the week's news, as yet unformed rants comprise:
• Dangerous dogs -- 42% rise is dog attacks in London
• Labour Party funding -- Dirty, dirty, dirty
• Bungs in football -- Harry R is innocent; Harman for England
• Clissold Leisure Centre -- 15 years late, costing Hackney tax payers £47m
• Sudan teacher and teddy bears -- Them fuzzy-wuzzies don't like it up 'em
Ho hum, I have at least mangaged to break a record in Labels..
So in place of the usual sound and fury signifying nowt, an amusing bon mot from Popbitch.
Brian Barwick sees an old lady in the street struggling with heavy shopping.
"Can you manage love?" he asks.
"It's OK", she says, "I don't want the job, thanks".
Monday, November 26, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Of Weddings, Feasts And Football
We had our 'Cilla moment' this weekend at the wedding of Jo and Paul -- who met each other at our hitching last year.
The event was held at the chi-chi Grove golf and spa hotel, just outside glamorous Watford -- which has tried hard to combine the old-world with contemporary bling. It only sort-of works. It's opulent, a bit quirky with a rather contrived 'farmyard' / country theme -- think P-Diddy meets Babe. Perspex boxes and console tables containing hundreds of butterflies, feathers, farmyard animal cuddly toys and rubber ducks. It self-consciously terms its style "groovy grand".
..Mmmm. Art for art's sake or just plain odd?
And our pre-wedding lunch was most unusual too. The Glasshouse restaurant is what the funky kids at The Grove term "an international Theatre of Cooking" (pretentious, moi?), where chefs prepare British, Asian and Mediterranean dishes, all served buffet-style.
And as we all know, buffet-style really means 'all you can eat' which in turn translates to big fat greedy pigs.
A tad hungry, I happily obliged..
I gobbled the most incongruous selection of foods ever. In sequence of ingestion, I had, in the space of an hour and a half, the following..
Black and green olives, black beans, pickled cauliflower, fig, potato salad, sardines, Spanish torte, green chilli peppers stuffed with cream cheese, parma ham, artichokes, tomatoes with melted cheese, figs, sweet garlic, sweet and sour chicken, fried rice, roast pork, Yorkshire pudding, wild berry cheese cake (2 portions), panacotta and to finish -- crackling. All washed down with a lovely crisp Verdicchio.
Thankfully, there wasn't time for cheese.
A thoroughtly weird repast, but strangely satisfying. I'm uncertain as to our fitness for attending a wedding though. A long nap would have been nearer the mark. Suffice it to say, I wasn't able to fully appreciate the lovely dinner a few hours later.
Anyway, as mentioned, The Grove is quite a fancy operation -- just the kind of place for premiership footballers to unwind on off-weekends like this. So we didn't bat an eye at David James lunching a few tables away. But when Steven Gerrard was spied in the lobby, I began to wonder..
Durr. Of course, the whole of the England squad is staying at The Grove ahead of Wednesday's make-or-break Euro2008 qualifier against Croatia at Wembley.
I'm not sure how Jo and Paul felt about sharing their special day with the boys, or indeed, if they minded coach Steve McLaren and his family barging through the middle of their reception drinks.
Personally, I'm a wee bit disappointed not to have seen Messrs. Terry, Lampard, Cole (A and J), Wright-Philips or Bridge..
Carefree
The event was held at the chi-chi Grove golf and spa hotel, just outside glamorous Watford -- which has tried hard to combine the old-world with contemporary bling. It only sort-of works. It's opulent, a bit quirky with a rather contrived 'farmyard' / country theme -- think P-Diddy meets Babe. Perspex boxes and console tables containing hundreds of butterflies, feathers, farmyard animal cuddly toys and rubber ducks. It self-consciously terms its style "groovy grand"...Mmmm. Art for art's sake or just plain odd?
And our pre-wedding lunch was most unusual too. The Glasshouse restaurant is what the funky kids at The Grove term "an international Theatre of Cooking" (pretentious, moi?), where chefs prepare British, Asian and Mediterranean dishes, all served buffet-style.
And as we all know, buffet-style really means 'all you can eat' which in turn translates to big fat greedy pigs.
A tad hungry, I happily obliged..
I gobbled the most incongruous selection of foods ever. In sequence of ingestion, I had, in the space of an hour and a half, the following..
Black and green olives, black beans, pickled cauliflower, fig, potato salad, sardines, Spanish torte, green chilli peppers stuffed with cream cheese, parma ham, artichokes, tomatoes with melted cheese, figs, sweet garlic, sweet and sour chicken, fried rice, roast pork, Yorkshire pudding, wild berry cheese cake (2 portions), panacotta and to finish -- crackling. All washed down with a lovely crisp Verdicchio.
Thankfully, there wasn't time for cheese.
A thoroughtly weird repast, but strangely satisfying. I'm uncertain as to our fitness for attending a wedding though. A long nap would have been nearer the mark. Suffice it to say, I wasn't able to fully appreciate the lovely dinner a few hours later.
Anyway, as mentioned, The Grove is quite a fancy operation -- just the kind of place for premiership footballers to unwind on off-weekends like this. So we didn't bat an eye at David James lunching a few tables away. But when Steven Gerrard was spied in the lobby, I began to wonder..
Durr. Of course, the whole of the England squad is staying at The Grove ahead of Wednesday's make-or-break Euro2008 qualifier against Croatia at Wembley.
I'm not sure how Jo and Paul felt about sharing their special day with the boys, or indeed, if they minded coach Steve McLaren and his family barging through the middle of their reception drinks.
Personally, I'm a wee bit disappointed not to have seen Messrs. Terry, Lampard, Cole (A and J), Wright-Philips or Bridge..
Carefree
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
I'm A Nobody, Get Me On Telly!
Marc Bannerman, Anna Ryder Richardson, Lynne Franks, Janice Dickinson, Rodney Marsh and John Burton Race are all 'competing' in the new "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!".
Thing is, if I have heard of them, I've heard nothing of them for years. But most of them, I really have never heard of.
Who are these people, what is their talent and where do they come from?
It's the same for the stupid BBC dancing thing. Who on earth are Alesha Dixon, Brian Capron, Dominic Littlewood, Gethin Jones, Kate Garraway or Matt Di Angelo?
There seems to be an active and lucrative job of being vaguely known, but not doing, achieving or being good at anything at all.
Abi Titmuss and Rebecca Loos are famous for what? Well, shagging married or distasteful men as far as I can tell. Callum Best is known for being a distasteful man and shagging the aforementioned hussies -- I'm guessing..
Switch channels and ditto. I've never heard of Carole Malone, Cleo Rocos, Danielle Lloyd, Ian "H" Watkins, Jackie Budden, Jo O'Meara..
In these few lines there are a lot of names of D/E-list 'celebs' on quasi-reality TV programmes. Don't get me wrong, I don't read the red tops or Heat. (I've been Googling …and wish I hadn't). I do however, spend an awful lot of time pouring over the Guardian Guide looking for something worth watching.
It makes the annual event of a Stephen Poliakoff drama worth the wait. And like buses, you wait a year and all of a sudden six turn-up at once..
Thing is, if I have heard of them, I've heard nothing of them for years. But most of them, I really have never heard of.
Who are these people, what is their talent and where do they come from?
It's the same for the stupid BBC dancing thing. Who on earth are Alesha Dixon, Brian Capron, Dominic Littlewood, Gethin Jones, Kate Garraway or Matt Di Angelo?
There seems to be an active and lucrative job of being vaguely known, but not doing, achieving or being good at anything at all.
Abi Titmuss and Rebecca Loos are famous for what? Well, shagging married or distasteful men as far as I can tell. Callum Best is known for being a distasteful man and shagging the aforementioned hussies -- I'm guessing..
Switch channels and ditto. I've never heard of Carole Malone, Cleo Rocos, Danielle Lloyd, Ian "H" Watkins, Jackie Budden, Jo O'Meara..
In these few lines there are a lot of names of D/E-list 'celebs' on quasi-reality TV programmes. Don't get me wrong, I don't read the red tops or Heat. (I've been Googling …and wish I hadn't). I do however, spend an awful lot of time pouring over the Guardian Guide looking for something worth watching.
It makes the annual event of a Stephen Poliakoff drama worth the wait. And like buses, you wait a year and all of a sudden six turn-up at once..
Friday, November 09, 2007
What I (Don't) Want For Christmas
Everyone's gone mad for Apple iPhones. They did in the US over the summer of course, but then that's America -- a country that redefines our more sober interpretations of the word 'mad'.Today, British loonies are sleeping outside the Apple Store on Regent's Street so they can be first to own the damn thing.
Humbug. I've had Apple gear before and it's utter pants. I can't imagine the iPhone is any different.
For a start, Apple's are notoriously buggy. While lovely to behold, my iMacs have habitually seized and fallen-over. My iPod periodically freezes too -- though to be fair, the 80G 'Classic' is far better than the 20G version three it replaced last year.
The iPhone is supposed to be this magical device that for the first time combines phone, Web, camera and media in one stylish and easy-to-use package.
Sure -- it looks good. But then it's an Apple. As noted, Apples do look lovely, but invariably disappoint.
Let's review the evidence. The iPhone is quite expensive at £220. It's locked to only the O2 network in the UK and T-Mobile in Germany. It's 2G not 3G, therefore fails in delivering one of its critical USPs -- a true mobile Web experience. It's limited to Apple's obsolete iChat IM. The camera is a measly 2 megapixels. And it only carries 8G of memory with no provision for memory cards, so fails as a meaningful media device.
I think this knitted iPhone is just as pretty, likely more reliable and probably with better functionality.
Nope. This year my Christmas list is sorted and includes quite a lot of 'technology' -- Robert's retro DAB, Tom Tom and X-Box360. But this frippary won't be added. Not until it's cheaper, unlocked, significantly enhanced and like the iMac and iPod/iTunes, is compatible with Windows and other more widely used platforms. Which it inevitably will. So one day. Version 2, 3 or 4..
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
It Gets Worse
So to win back a modicum of good karma I bought loads of sweets from M&S for the 'Trick or Treat' kiddies of old Stokie. Free of artificial colours and flavours, they are eminently suitable for the neighbourhood's little Jocastas, Octavias and Tarquins. (It's sooo Observer 'round our way, dharling).
Problem is -- I'm eating them all. Mmmm, Fizzy Fish and Percy Pigs.
I have no guilt, but I am feeling very full and a bit sick.
I have abjured all responsibility and am little more than a wanton vessel.
Ha. I am the Lord of Misrule!
Problem is -- I'm eating them all. Mmmm, Fizzy Fish and Percy Pigs.
I have no guilt, but I am feeling very full and a bit sick.
I have abjured all responsibility and am little more than a wanton vessel.
Ha. I am the Lord of Misrule!
Running with The Devil
See, I was right. The portents are far from good. Indeed, they're downright diabolical.
Again, this morning there were six magpies in the park.
Great, I think, more of that gold. Show me the money. Show me the money.
But wait. Think about it.
CFC scored six goals on Saturday**. Six magpies yesterday and six again today…
And what day is it today?
Halloween.
Three sixes. 6 6 6. The number of the beast. Beelzebub himself. Satan. Lucifer. The Devil.
Cripes. See what comes of being greedy?
And thinking about it again, that fox (symbolic of me?) yesterday was *encircled* by the sextet of monochrome birds.
We really are doomed.
Paranoid, moi?
**Man City didn't score any goals on Saturday, so there's no 'against' to add and therefore the 666 symmetry remains intact.
Again, this morning there were six magpies in the park.
Great, I think, more of that gold. Show me the money. Show me the money.
But wait. Think about it.CFC scored six goals on Saturday**. Six magpies yesterday and six again today…
And what day is it today?
Halloween.
Three sixes. 6 6 6. The number of the beast. Beelzebub himself. Satan. Lucifer. The Devil.
Cripes. See what comes of being greedy?
And thinking about it again, that fox (symbolic of me?) yesterday was *encircled* by the sextet of monochrome birds.
We really are doomed.
Paranoid, moi?
**Man City didn't score any goals on Saturday, so there's no 'against' to add and therefore the 666 symmetry remains intact.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Superstitious Mind(less)
My superstitious mind is prone to the disastrous. I see dead people**. Well I don't really, but I do tend to see the worst in the proverbial tea leaves. If things are going well, I just know that catastrophy is near.
"We're doomed; doomed I say."
But today, I think my fortunes have taken a more positive turn. Out with 'madam' this morning I spied magpies. Not the usually sorrowful one or the occasional but deceitful two. No today, six. And all surrounding a mature male fox -- which must double the potency of this most agreeable portent. (The handsome creature to the right is there because P endearingly calls me 'fox').
Six magpies -- that's gold baby!
And only a few hours ago en route to work P agreed to increase my pocket money -- so it's already working.
I'm off now to blow the lot on lottery tickets and scratch cards and ponder the Aston Martin's spec.
**With the dark nights upon us and All Hallows Eve nearing, if the seasonal story in last week's Hackney Gazette is anything to go by, then maybe I soon will ..see dead people, that is. The site of Butterfield Green where we do our bi-daily wanderings was until the 1980s residential housing. It is reported that 69 Spencer Grove was a most haunted place indeed. And while the troubled abode is no longer there, surely there must be some shadow of its presence among the brambles and bushes...
"We're doomed; doomed I say."
But today, I think my fortunes have taken a more positive turn. Out with 'madam' this morning I spied magpies. Not the usually sorrowful one or the occasional but deceitful two. No today, six. And all surrounding a mature male fox -- which must double the potency of this most agreeable portent. (The handsome creature to the right is there because P endearingly calls me 'fox').
Six magpies -- that's gold baby!
And only a few hours ago en route to work P agreed to increase my pocket money -- so it's already working.
I'm off now to blow the lot on lottery tickets and scratch cards and ponder the Aston Martin's spec.
**With the dark nights upon us and All Hallows Eve nearing, if the seasonal story in last week's Hackney Gazette is anything to go by, then maybe I soon will ..see dead people, that is. The site of Butterfield Green where we do our bi-daily wanderings was until the 1980s residential housing. It is reported that 69 Spencer Grove was a most haunted place indeed. And while the troubled abode is no longer there, surely there must be some shadow of its presence among the brambles and bushes...
The haunting of 69 Spencer Grove, Stoke Newington, started in September 1967 and involved a mixture of poltergeist phenomena and the appearance of phantoms. Raps and strange noises were heard and furnishings damaged. A disturbing apparition of a woman in white with dark socket-like eyes which emerged from a wardrobe was seen by several members of the household. A series of fires also broke out in the property and the family concerned fled the house. Subsequently 69 Spencer Grove was demolished.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Six of the Best
Sorry Chooch. I'm nicking Sun headlines as well.Anyway, he may look like Uncle Fester (no, not Didier), but with Henk ten Cate's evident impact at Cobham, Avram Grant has done the impossible -- destroying a (hiterto) in-form Man City 6 - 0.
It works for the arse. Hey, Wenger's no oil painting, but he too puts the 'pretty' on the pitch.
Boring, boring.. :-)
Carefree
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Only Words
Words have meaning. Together they have metre. They can be ambiguous, posessed of wonder and meaning beyond their defined purpose. Sometimes they just look strange. And some sound very odd indeed. Verbs, adverbs, nouns.. I just like these.
Yes, I'm a bit bored today.
Coagulation, Teutonic, Conqueror, Protagonist, Globule, Cyrillic, Bellicose, Labourious, Quizzical, Augment, Cipher, Galvanise, Lorem Ipsum, Oncology, Augur, Codify, Necessarily, Cubical, Posthumous, Arduous, Corrosion, Pseudonym, Railing, Tarmac, Believe. Protocol, Arable, Grimoire, Compass, Pavement, Clack, Desolate, Ovis, Corrugated, Puddle, Bulletpoint, Putty, Suit, Refrain, Desist, Blossom, Cistern, Protagonist, Blame, Dough, Blizzard, Optimist, Vague, Intestate, Granite, Articulate, Riddle
Yes, I'm a bit bored today.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Missed Me.. By 24 Hours
A creature of habit, I keep a fairly regular schedule. I wake at the same time each morning; ditto leave the house; ditto leave the office at the end of the day, etc. Each day, orderly the same, while content varies.
I prefer to be home rather than out, so do little work- or friend-related socializing during the week.
Part of the routine is the same 10 minute walk from the office to car each evening, usually departing desk at about 5:00 p.m.
But a little over week ago, as luck would have it, I hosted a weeknight work dinner and so the routine was disrupted.
Thank Christ! I walk past this location (corner of Harewood Avenue and Rossmore Road NW1) every day at this time.
No Lily, it doesn't lie. This (shit)ty does just what it says on the tin.
I prefer to be home rather than out, so do little work- or friend-related socializing during the week.
Part of the routine is the same 10 minute walk from the office to car each evening, usually departing desk at about 5:00 p.m. But a little over week ago, as luck would have it, I hosted a weeknight work dinner and so the routine was disrupted.
Thank Christ! I walk past this location (corner of Harewood Avenue and Rossmore Road NW1) every day at this time.
No Lily, it doesn't lie. This (shit)ty does just what it says on the tin.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Petri
At a family breakfast yesterday morning, The Observer’s Coolbrands Supplement was the focus of much discussion.
To some amusement, bafflement and bit of (honest) embarrassment, P and I found that we own / use / consume 15 of the 20 top [ehem, cool] brands.
The automotive bling notwithstanding, we really must be most shallow –- a Posh & Becks of old Stokie -- as it were..
And anyway, we don’t want a Ferrari. We’re quite happy with our hulking great Land Rover TVM ;-)
Addendum: On second thoughts, many of the below are rather proletarian -- Google, eBay, Amazon.. So maybe we're not so hideously status-obsessed afterall.
The list from 1 to 20
To some amusement, bafflement and bit of (honest) embarrassment, P and I found that we own / use / consume 15 of the 20 top [ehem, cool] brands.
The automotive bling notwithstanding, we really must be most shallow –- a Posh & Becks of old Stokie -- as it were..
And anyway, we don’t want a Ferrari. We’re quite happy with our hulking great Land Rover TVM ;-)
Addendum: On second thoughts, many of the below are rather proletarian -- Google, eBay, Amazon.. So maybe we're not so hideously status-obsessed afterall.
The list from 1 to 20
Aston Martin
iPod
YouTube
Bang & Olufsen
Playstation
Apple
Agent Provocateur
Nintendo
Virgin Atlantic
Ferrari
Ducati
eBay
Rolex
Tate Modern
Prada
Lamborghini
Green & Black’s
iTunes
Amazon
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Blog-Stretch
When a blog page takes a while to load, stetches and distorts.
An improvement, I think..
An improvement, I think..
Thursday, October 04, 2007
(Fat)man
Zoiks!
The 'Caped Crusader' has been eating too many Gotham Burgers.
Time for mum to prepare a few BatSalads..
And as the theme tune went, "Dinner, dinner. Dinner, dinner. Dinner, dinner.. Batman."
No Shit Sherlock #2
Welsh newsreader, BBC 1, 22:00 Tuesday, 2 October: "Tories accuse Brown of electioneering."
Catalyst for Tory criticism: PM Gordon Brown announcing, on photoshoot tour of Iraq during Tory Party Conference, the withdrawal of 1,000 British troops from Basra by year's end.
Catalyst for withdrawal: War bad in general. This particular war very bad. Snap November election in the offing given strong 11 point lead in polls and withdrawal can only improve that position.
So to the, ehem, snot-Greens: I suppose all those conference proposals of this week -- to increase the inheritance tax threshold and lower stamp duty -- are in no way an attempt to curry favour with middle England and claw-back some poll positioning ahead of that impending snap..?
While I accept that politicians are slimy, self-interested, self-aggrandising back-stabbers, I do expect somewhat less sophomoric journalism from the BBC.
Catalyst for Tory criticism: PM Gordon Brown announcing, on photoshoot tour of Iraq during Tory Party Conference, the withdrawal of 1,000 British troops from Basra by year's end.
Catalyst for withdrawal: War bad in general. This particular war very bad. Snap November election in the offing given strong 11 point lead in polls and withdrawal can only improve that position.
So to the, ehem, snot-Greens: I suppose all those conference proposals of this week -- to increase the inheritance tax threshold and lower stamp duty -- are in no way an attempt to curry favour with middle England and claw-back some poll positioning ahead of that impending snap..? While I accept that politicians are slimy, self-interested, self-aggrandising back-stabbers, I do expect somewhat less sophomoric journalism from the BBC.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Stupid Corporate Branding (SCB) v2.1
And another spied this morning..
A nice dark blue van run by the firm Calligan zips about the capital delivering …"Business Water".
That'll be somewhat more serious and commerically-minded H2O than the stuff from the tap or supermarket then?
A nice dark blue van run by the firm Calligan zips about the capital delivering …"Business Water".
That'll be somewhat more serious and commerically-minded H2O than the stuff from the tap or supermarket then?
As this is likely to become a series, as a good and true corporate citizen, I've decided to establish an acronym -- SCB and will append numeric iterations à la software and now (dire) films starring Bruce Willis. Te he
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Dinosaur Jnr.
So along with 10 million or so others, I logged my details online for the 'Led Zeppelin Lottery'. I waited patiently for three weeks until the magic 1st October for notification *only if successful*. Ho hum, while 20,000 lucky so-and-sos got their stairways to heaven yesterday, I got nought.
As consolation, I've instead forked-out £75 for one of the Sex Pistols' Never Mind The Bollocks 30 year anniversary gigs at the Brixton Academy instead.
That's, of course, as long as the broker of 'hard to find tickets' who I've already paid doesn't, in reality, find my tickets too hard to find. All three gigs did sell-out in 15 minutes, afterall. (Not an unlimited supply)
And while I'm quite tempted to give said broker the required £480 to go find me an entry to Zep (likely, in through the outdoor ;-), I'd rather 'get burned', with the best of punky intentions, for £75 instead of nearly £480 for a Zofo no-show or worse, a whopping £555:zip for both.
No fun.
Stupid Corporate Branding Goes Nationwide
Driving through London each morning (naughty me ;-) provides for much opportunity to absorb all manner of corporate branding. There are billboards and hoardings and buses and taxis all brightly adorned with consumer advertising -- for cinema movies, DVD releases, albums, home stores, clothing, financial services, lifestyle magazines et al.
Also, I'm long used to sharing the road (shame) with the ubiquitous "white van man" -- the hazardous road warriors of Britain's small traders. These too announce themselves on their vehicles, but with more low-fi, descriptive 'branding': witness, Honest Bob's Plumbing, Catford, tel: obviously a mobile, email: bobplum@hottail.com.
But increasingly, the good-old, reliable (i.e., no regard for the rules of the road; other road users or pedestrians; their indicators; traffic lights; box junctions; lanes; speed limits etc.) British white van men and women seem to be aping the corporate branding philosophies of larger business service firms. Regardless of their field -- carpenter, bricklayer, electrician, waste disposal.. -- our nation's artisans are all busy devising nonsensical company positioning.
I should know about the sometimes idiotic branding of service firms. I work in business services and my two previous employers, for instance, have carried "Helping Business Thrive on Technology Change" and "Many Minds, Singular Results" as their respective tag lines. While not very elegant, the first kinda says what the company does. NB: It has now since 'rebranded' to the possibly even more insipid "Making Leaders Successful Every Day". The second is a wee bit more obtuse, but dutifully indicates a service mentality. My current employer too has something equally natty yet inscrutable as its tag -- a play on ingenuity, cleverness, value... (Sorry, no names, no pack drill)
But today, I find that I must have awoken to a parallel universe. The capital's white van folk seem to have swapped The Sun or The Mirror for The Economist and Harvard Business Review as their periodicals of choice. Their new brand identities are now homogenous lumps of hackneyed business-esque techno-babble -- 'full of M.B.A. but signifying nothing'.
Two instances today caused me to pull the car over, reach for pen and paper and make notes so as not to forget.
The first van owned by the company, Geze, has positioning awash with the florid meaningless adjectives of a Palo Alto software firm -- 'solutions', 'integrated' and 'systems', and its tag -- "Opening Doors To Innovation". What does Geze do? Furniture design, architecture, advertising? No, it's a glazier. That's the people who fit windows. Mmmm..
The second, JPS Group, offers its customers the intriguing promise of "Infinite Possibilities". And the good people at JPS, what is their business, pray? Systems integration, management consultancy, venture capital? Nope, it's, ehem, office supplies. That's paper clips and stickie notes to you and me. So how infinite are the possibilities for making bouncy balls from elastic bands? Do tell JPS..
Good grief.
Come back all you honest Bills, Bobs and Brians. Your driving is still atrocious, but we expect that of you and at least we know who you are.
Also, I'm long used to sharing the road (shame) with the ubiquitous "white van man" -- the hazardous road warriors of Britain's small traders. These too announce themselves on their vehicles, but with more low-fi, descriptive 'branding': witness, Honest Bob's Plumbing, Catford, tel: obviously a mobile, email: bobplum@hottail.com.
But increasingly, the good-old, reliable (i.e., no regard for the rules of the road; other road users or pedestrians; their indicators; traffic lights; box junctions; lanes; speed limits etc.) British white van men and women seem to be aping the corporate branding philosophies of larger business service firms. Regardless of their field -- carpenter, bricklayer, electrician, waste disposal.. -- our nation's artisans are all busy devising nonsensical company positioning.
I should know about the sometimes idiotic branding of service firms. I work in business services and my two previous employers, for instance, have carried "Helping Business Thrive on Technology Change" and "Many Minds, Singular Results" as their respective tag lines. While not very elegant, the first kinda says what the company does. NB: It has now since 'rebranded' to the possibly even more insipid "Making Leaders Successful Every Day". The second is a wee bit more obtuse, but dutifully indicates a service mentality. My current employer too has something equally natty yet inscrutable as its tag -- a play on ingenuity, cleverness, value... (Sorry, no names, no pack drill)
But today, I find that I must have awoken to a parallel universe. The capital's white van folk seem to have swapped The Sun or The Mirror for The Economist and Harvard Business Review as their periodicals of choice. Their new brand identities are now homogenous lumps of hackneyed business-esque techno-babble -- 'full of M.B.A. but signifying nothing'.
Two instances today caused me to pull the car over, reach for pen and paper and make notes so as not to forget.
The first van owned by the company, Geze, has positioning awash with the florid meaningless adjectives of a Palo Alto software firm -- 'solutions', 'integrated' and 'systems', and its tag -- "Opening Doors To Innovation". What does Geze do? Furniture design, architecture, advertising? No, it's a glazier. That's the people who fit windows. Mmmm..
The second, JPS Group, offers its customers the intriguing promise of "Infinite Possibilities". And the good people at JPS, what is their business, pray? Systems integration, management consultancy, venture capital? Nope, it's, ehem, office supplies. That's paper clips and stickie notes to you and me. So how infinite are the possibilities for making bouncy balls from elastic bands? Do tell JPS..
Good grief.
Come back all you honest Bills, Bobs and Brians. Your driving is still atrocious, but we expect that of you and at least we know who you are.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Parp
This morning I found a large jar of Greek Gitgantes beans in the kitchen and thought they might make a tastey snack to dip into from time to time at work.Problem is that I've just eaten the lot for lunch in one sitting.
Eeks. Strong liklihood of windy afternoon.
Slartibartfast.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Correspondence, After A Fashion
From: ManUreGit
Sent: 20 September 2007 13:58
To: Viking; Arse (Dubai); CFC (London)
Subject: I'm so happy
_______________________________
The Premiership has lost a poisonous, graceless little sh!t.
Oh happy day.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From: Viking
Sent: 20 September 2007 14:23
To: MauReGit
Cc: Arse (Dubai); CFC (London)
Subject: Re: I'm so happy
_______________________________
Ohh yeah - because Ferguson is such a positive shining light
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From: Arse (Dubai)
Sent: 23 September 2007 20:14
To: MauReGit; Viking; CFC (London)
Subject: Re: I'm so happy
_______________________________
Lost gooner blather –- something about Fabregas and cheeky smiles ;-)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From: CFC (London)
Sent: 24 September 2007 09:02
To: Arse (Dubai); Viking; ManUreGit
Subject: RE: I'm so happy
_______________________________
Happy's not the word. Ecstatic more like!
At best, we'll melt into lower-table mediocrity.
But the likely scenario is: RomanAb will sell the club in three week's time after a few more draws and buy Harrods or something equally exotic but more predictable than a bunch of back-stabbing, illiterate prima donnas.
Ken Bates will return triumphantly from dismantling Leeds and install Dennis Wise as player manager. Kerry Dixon will be recalled from deep, deep, deep retirement to lead an under 16s squad of Surrey chavs all elevated to 1st team duties due to the rats-sinking-ship-clamour of departures akin to a Northern Rock run.. Ditto the new-blues -- ehem, fans -- who'll return their favour to ManUre, scarrse gits and Arse.
Mike Dean will have a bizarre gardening accident which amounts to his regained hair growth, but that his spindly arms and legs will miraculously fall off (shame).
CFC will be finish in the toilet behind Derby and Spurs and go down.
I'll be able to get a season ticket and there'll be plenty of room in the shed.
Bring on the Championship.
Still love the chels ;-)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sent: 20 September 2007 13:58
To: Viking; Arse (Dubai); CFC (London)
Subject: I'm so happy
_______________________________
The Premiership has lost a poisonous, graceless little sh!t.
Oh happy day.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From: Viking
Sent: 20 September 2007 14:23
To: MauReGit
Cc: Arse (Dubai); CFC (London)
Subject: Re: I'm so happy
_______________________________
Ohh yeah - because Ferguson is such a positive shining light
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From: Arse (Dubai)
Sent: 23 September 2007 20:14
To: MauReGit; Viking; CFC (London)
Subject: Re: I'm so happy
_______________________________
Lost gooner blather –- something about Fabregas and cheeky smiles ;-)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From: CFC (London)
Sent: 24 September 2007 09:02
To: Arse (Dubai); Viking; ManUreGit
Subject: RE: I'm so happy
_______________________________
Happy's not the word. Ecstatic more like!
At best, we'll melt into lower-table mediocrity.
But the likely scenario is: RomanAb will sell the club in three week's time after a few more draws and buy Harrods or something equally exotic but more predictable than a bunch of back-stabbing, illiterate prima donnas.
Ken Bates will return triumphantly from dismantling Leeds and install Dennis Wise as player manager. Kerry Dixon will be recalled from deep, deep, deep retirement to lead an under 16s squad of Surrey chavs all elevated to 1st team duties due to the rats-sinking-ship-clamour of departures akin to a Northern Rock run.. Ditto the new-blues -- ehem, fans -- who'll return their favour to ManUre, scarrse gits and Arse.
Mike Dean will have a bizarre gardening accident which amounts to his regained hair growth, but that his spindly arms and legs will miraculously fall off (shame).
CFC will be finish in the toilet behind Derby and Spurs and go down.
I'll be able to get a season ticket and there'll be plenty of room in the shed.
Bring on the Championship.
Still love the chels ;-)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Compare & Contrast
Total Sweetie
Good natured, friendly, affectionate, cute, unstintingly loyal, albeit quite greedy, occasionally noisey and smelly
Complete Shit
Aggressive, vicious, deranged, pointless, ugly, mad, unpredictable, untrainable, unlovable, unspeakable and in-need-of-extinction
See post below
Good natured, friendly, affectionate, cute, unstintingly loyal, albeit quite greedy, occasionally noisey and smelly
Complete Shit
Aggressive, vicious, deranged, pointless, ugly, mad, unpredictable, untrainable, unlovable, unspeakable and in-need-of-extinction
See post below
Ban These Bloody Monsters
..Oh, they are banned. Then enforce the sodding ban.
Explanation --
On the day that Jackie Simpson was acquitted of manslaughter for allowing her chav son's pit bull to maul her 5-year-old granddaughter, Ellie Lawrencon, to death, Ems and I too had the misfortune to encounter first-hand one of these vicious, unnecessary beasts.
Minding our own business at 06:30 on our usual early morning stroll (me) / ablutions (her), Ems was attacked by a young pit-bull-type in the park near our home.
The monster was off its lead (illegal), unmuzzled (illegal) and in the company of a teenage chav (female, nearly (and should be classed as illegal)) who had absolutely no control over her unpredictable weapon.
It just tore into to Ems harassing, growling and nipping at her. Ems is a bit dim and tends to cower in these situations, bowing to the greater aggression of the other dog, instead of more sensibly fleeing. [Actually, thinking about it, being rag-doll compliant is probalby the better method of survival in this circumstance]. While she did initially bark to tell the other to bugger off, quickly, her barks turned to helpless yelps of intimidation and then pain.
With her creature's jaws clamped around Ems' back and sides, the foul peasant was next to useless and just kept apologising (innit) instead of actually trying to exert some authority over her shit or grabbing hold of the bloody thing to drag it off.
Eventually, after what seemed like an age but was probably only a matter of minutes, I extricated the bastard's jaws from my pet's rear. Luckily, we were only slightly bruised (me and Ems), shaken (her, literally), but no blood was drawn (either of us) and all's well.
But do Stoke Newington's police, the Met, the British government or its judicial system acknowledge the Dangerous Dogs Act of 1991? Anyone at Stokie's Safer Neighbourood Team ever going to call me back for this 'non emergency'?
Hell no!
These monsters aren't pets or companions. They're weapons and like guns and knives must be banished from our streets or only posessed in the face of severe penalty (chav owner) and destruction (fucking disgusting animal).
Explanation --
On the day that Jackie Simpson was acquitted of manslaughter for allowing her chav son's pit bull to maul her 5-year-old granddaughter, Ellie Lawrencon, to death, Ems and I too had the misfortune to encounter first-hand one of these vicious, unnecessary beasts.
Minding our own business at 06:30 on our usual early morning stroll (me) / ablutions (her), Ems was attacked by a young pit-bull-type in the park near our home.
The monster was off its lead (illegal), unmuzzled (illegal) and in the company of a teenage chav (female, nearly (and should be classed as illegal)) who had absolutely no control over her unpredictable weapon.
It just tore into to Ems harassing, growling and nipping at her. Ems is a bit dim and tends to cower in these situations, bowing to the greater aggression of the other dog, instead of more sensibly fleeing. [Actually, thinking about it, being rag-doll compliant is probalby the better method of survival in this circumstance]. While she did initially bark to tell the other to bugger off, quickly, her barks turned to helpless yelps of intimidation and then pain.
With her creature's jaws clamped around Ems' back and sides, the foul peasant was next to useless and just kept apologising (innit) instead of actually trying to exert some authority over her shit or grabbing hold of the bloody thing to drag it off.
Eventually, after what seemed like an age but was probably only a matter of minutes, I extricated the bastard's jaws from my pet's rear. Luckily, we were only slightly bruised (me and Ems), shaken (her, literally), but no blood was drawn (either of us) and all's well.
But do Stoke Newington's police, the Met, the British government or its judicial system acknowledge the Dangerous Dogs Act of 1991? Anyone at Stokie's Safer Neighbourood Team ever going to call me back for this 'non emergency'?
Hell no!
These monsters aren't pets or companions. They're weapons and like guns and knives must be banished from our streets or only posessed in the face of severe penalty (chav owner) and destruction (fucking disgusting animal).
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Mad Cows..?
Hackney Dwellers #1
You have two cows
They are both stolen
You order your milk from Waitrose
It is expensive but organic
Hackney Dwellers #2
You have a cow
You see another cow
Both have benefits
Both are lovely...
You know that you can only have one cow
You spend ages working out the pros and cons of each cow...
You wonder whether the mooing of the second cow will be soothing, or sound unfamiliar
The first cow has a very different moo...
You wonder whether the smell of the second cow might bother you
You remind yourself that the first cow doesn't smell all that good sometimes...
You query whether, in practice, you would be able to milk the second cow - it is much bigger than the first cow...
You arrange a viewing to see the second cow
You consider (against all your better instincts and principles), instructing Foxtons to sell the first cow
You know it would be worth it, but also that it will be expensive and stressful
You have two cows
They are both stolen
You order your milk from Waitrose
It is expensive but organic
Hackney Dwellers #2
You have a cow
You see another cow
Both have benefits
Both are lovely...
You know that you can only have one cow
You spend ages working out the pros and cons of each cow...
You wonder whether the mooing of the second cow will be soothing, or sound unfamiliar
The first cow has a very different moo...
You wonder whether the smell of the second cow might bother you
You remind yourself that the first cow doesn't smell all that good sometimes...
You query whether, in practice, you would be able to milk the second cow - it is much bigger than the first cow...
You arrange a viewing to see the second cow
You consider (against all your better instincts and principles), instructing Foxtons to sell the first cow
You know it would be worth it, but also that it will be expensive and stressful
Country House
OK, we've had builders and gardeners all over the place this, ehem, summer. There was a good reason -- the old place hadn't been sorted since Victoria was on the throne.
The upheaval was nasty, but ultimately worth it. Now we have a great place that will serve as a lovely home for a good while until we *need* more space..
But we have always planned on moving out of London in two or three years.
Anyway, with work done and artisans paid in full, it's only reasonable to have a few agents over to review and appraise..
Eeks! North London valuations are bonkers at 28% increase year-on-year.
And as fate would have it, the details of this beautie -- of comparable price and 30 minutes from King's Cross -- arrived randomly by email last week.
Forget the mid-term plan. The green-ward move may be very very near indeed.
..And so the the story begins.
The upheaval was nasty, but ultimately worth it. Now we have a great place that will serve as a lovely home for a good while until we *need* more space..
But we have always planned on moving out of London in two or three years.
Anyway, with work done and artisans paid in full, it's only reasonable to have a few agents over to review and appraise..
Eeks! North London valuations are bonkers at 28% increase year-on-year.
And as fate would have it, the details of this beautie -- of comparable price and 30 minutes from King's Cross -- arrived randomly by email last week.
Forget the mid-term plan. The green-ward move may be very very near indeed.
..And so the the story begins.
Friday, August 10, 2007
The Worst Route Planner In The World..?
I only want to get from north London to Richmond Upon Thames..
Thursday, August 09, 2007
The Build -- Before And After
Not exactly sequential, but you get the drift.
..Suffice it to say, we're rather pleased.
Friday, August 03, 2007
This Charming Man
Interviewer: Have you ever faked an orgasm?
Lemmy: No, but I have faked foreplay once or twice.
Lemmy: No, but I have faked foreplay once or twice.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Pot, Kettle, Black
No not poor old Conrad. He's gonna get his in clink and isn't the only corporate nasty on my shit list today.
BA's chief executive Willie Walsh has today joined the throng criticising Heathrow Airport for handling some 68 million passengers a year when it is only designed to manage 45 million.
"It has gone well beyond the point at which we can expect our customers to put up with the standards," Walsh said of the venerable terminus.
He joins a number of other high-profile and vocal hypocrites having a pop at lovely LHR..
London's Mayor Ken Livingstone and Sir Thomas Harris, vice chairman of Standard Chartered Capital Markets have also damned the world's busiest international airport this week for being too busy.
In his *not unusual for him* irrational outburst, Ken said that Heathrow "shames" the city. Ehem, trips to Venezuela, buddies with the monster Chavez, concentration camp guard quips.. Ken, you really are an arse, aren't you..?
But back to you Willie boy.
Hey, Wills -- tell me all about your concern for the welfare of those customers of yours. Didn't you just get dropped in it by Branson for fixing long-haul prices as revenge for all your dirty tricks? That nasty American Department of Justice just fined you £270 million for hiking fuel surcharges over a one and a half year period (August 2004 to January 2006) from £5 to £60!
[Note: Sneaky wriggle-out by the complicit snitches at Virgin.]
Mmmm. Your indignation is righteous indeed.
Now that's the kind of customer concern I'm after from an airline.
BA's chief executive Willie Walsh has today joined the throng criticising Heathrow Airport for handling some 68 million passengers a year when it is only designed to manage 45 million.
"It has gone well beyond the point at which we can expect our customers to put up with the standards," Walsh said of the venerable terminus.He joins a number of other high-profile and vocal hypocrites having a pop at lovely LHR..
London's Mayor Ken Livingstone and Sir Thomas Harris, vice chairman of Standard Chartered Capital Markets have also damned the world's busiest international airport this week for being too busy.
In his *not unusual for him* irrational outburst, Ken said that Heathrow "shames" the city. Ehem, trips to Venezuela, buddies with the monster Chavez, concentration camp guard quips.. Ken, you really are an arse, aren't you..?
But back to you Willie boy.
Hey, Wills -- tell me all about your concern for the welfare of those customers of yours. Didn't you just get dropped in it by Branson for fixing long-haul prices as revenge for all your dirty tricks? That nasty American Department of Justice just fined you £270 million for hiking fuel surcharges over a one and a half year period (August 2004 to January 2006) from £5 to £60!
[Note: Sneaky wriggle-out by the complicit snitches at Virgin.]
Mmmm. Your indignation is righteous indeed.
Now that's the kind of customer concern I'm after from an airline.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
No Shit Sherlock
This, from the BBC Web site yesterday. Insightful reportage of the coroner's report..
Thames Headless Body Was StudentAs I say, no Sh....
The headless body of a woman found floating in a bag in the River Thames was a Chinese student.
...A post-mortem examination concluded the cause of death as neck injuries caused by a sharp instrument.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Bela, Is That You Girl?
So there I was, Saturday night past midnight in the living room rapt reading that final book about the boy wizard. P had long-since departed for bed, and while I was dog tired, I kept cajoling myself with, "just one more chapter.."
And as I was still up, the house was unlocked, the garden lights on and the back door ajar. Nothing to worry about. It's a quiet neigbourhood, nice to have a flow-through of air and I'd surely hear anything untoward.
Anyway, at about 12:30 out of corner of my right eye I notice beady eyes, pointy ears and snout and sandy brown fur.
I naturally thought it was our friends Lana and Jon's dog Bela who we're very used to having to stay when they're away. It didn't immediately occur to me that it was slightly odd for Bela to show-up at our place unannounced at such an hour. Lana and Jon do have a set of our doorkeys and have been known to -- and are most welcome to -- stop-by at all hours.
Maybe due to a combination of fatigue at the late hour and under the book's grip, I didn't pay any more attention to our visitor, apart from noticing that Bela had lost weight. Hey, Bela's lost some weight -- good for her -- I thought and returned to The Deathly Hallows.
A few moments more and it dawned on me that clearly an albeit slim-sized Bela hadn't just decided to break-out of De Beauvoir and pitch-up a quarter of a mile away from home in the dead of night to raid Emmie's food bowl (which is never, ever anything but empty anyway).
I removed my glasses, rubbed my eyes and realised that the pointy ears and snout weren't Bela's at all, but instead belonged to a juvenile city fox.
Now Stokie's full of these wiley critters living large on an abundance of scraps, discarded take-aways and streets lined with bin bags.
Unlike their country cousins, it's widely known that city foxes really are very bold, but I've never heard of one actually venturing with such aplomb into someone's house and just making itself at home.
"Hey, creature. Out" I yelled. Ems and Bela both *tend to* respond to my orders, but this fox just regarded me with mild curiosity and continued about his sniffing. "Hey, creature. Shoo. Shoo," quoth I again and all to nought.
At this point P ventured down to investigate the commotion -- well, to tell me off for waking her with this unnecessary racket. And unlike me she thought our visitor delightfully cute crouched as he was by this time under a living room chair. But acknowledging in heart-of-hearts that a fox is the wrong kind of house pet, we worked together to lure him from hiding and out the door. Though snaring the fellow wasn't easy and all the displaced building junk in the house just made for excellent cover.
Eventually, between us we managed to coax Mr Todd out of his lair, downstairs and back out into the garden.
I'm just pleased that Emmie wasn't home -- as a Springer chasing a fox through an up-market Steptoe's Yard of a house strewn with furniture, boxes, timber, rough cuts of plywood, bathroom fittings, dust and numerous power tools would have been utter mayhem. Moreover, I really wouldn't have relished the job of extricating a young bleeding fox from Emm's teeth and having to clean-up and dispose of said vermin either at that or any hour.
Bela, you might be a bit of a madam and prone to yapping at passers-by, but you're welcome anytime.
And Mr. Fox -- with the building work nearly finished and Emmie returning home, from Thursday onward, please Beware Of The Dog.
And as I was still up, the house was unlocked, the garden lights on and the back door ajar. Nothing to worry about. It's a quiet neigbourhood, nice to have a flow-through of air and I'd surely hear anything untoward.
Anyway, at about 12:30 out of corner of my right eye I notice beady eyes, pointy ears and snout and sandy brown fur.
I naturally thought it was our friends Lana and Jon's dog Bela who we're very used to having to stay when they're away. It didn't immediately occur to me that it was slightly odd for Bela to show-up at our place unannounced at such an hour. Lana and Jon do have a set of our doorkeys and have been known to -- and are most welcome to -- stop-by at all hours.
Maybe due to a combination of fatigue at the late hour and under the book's grip, I didn't pay any more attention to our visitor, apart from noticing that Bela had lost weight. Hey, Bela's lost some weight -- good for her -- I thought and returned to The Deathly Hallows.
A few moments more and it dawned on me that clearly an albeit slim-sized Bela hadn't just decided to break-out of De Beauvoir and pitch-up a quarter of a mile away from home in the dead of night to raid Emmie's food bowl (which is never, ever anything but empty anyway).
I removed my glasses, rubbed my eyes and realised that the pointy ears and snout weren't Bela's at all, but instead belonged to a juvenile city fox.
Now Stokie's full of these wiley critters living large on an abundance of scraps, discarded take-aways and streets lined with bin bags.
It's been a long time since I railed against Hackney Council -- but rest assured, refuse collection is still abysmal.Only three weeks ago -- maybe this chap or an equally inquisitive relative -- padded emulsion paint left outside by the builders across our brand new decking.
Unlike their country cousins, it's widely known that city foxes really are very bold, but I've never heard of one actually venturing with such aplomb into someone's house and just making itself at home.
"Hey, creature. Out" I yelled. Ems and Bela both *tend to* respond to my orders, but this fox just regarded me with mild curiosity and continued about his sniffing. "Hey, creature. Shoo. Shoo," quoth I again and all to nought.
At this point P ventured down to investigate the commotion -- well, to tell me off for waking her with this unnecessary racket. And unlike me she thought our visitor delightfully cute crouched as he was by this time under a living room chair. But acknowledging in heart-of-hearts that a fox is the wrong kind of house pet, we worked together to lure him from hiding and out the door. Though snaring the fellow wasn't easy and all the displaced building junk in the house just made for excellent cover.
Eventually, between us we managed to coax Mr Todd out of his lair, downstairs and back out into the garden.
I'm just pleased that Emmie wasn't home -- as a Springer chasing a fox through an up-market Steptoe's Yard of a house strewn with furniture, boxes, timber, rough cuts of plywood, bathroom fittings, dust and numerous power tools would have been utter mayhem. Moreover, I really wouldn't have relished the job of extricating a young bleeding fox from Emm's teeth and having to clean-up and dispose of said vermin either at that or any hour.
Bela, you might be a bit of a madam and prone to yapping at passers-by, but you're welcome anytime.
And Mr. Fox -- with the building work nearly finished and Emmie returning home, from Thursday onward, please Beware Of The Dog.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Dyb, Bloody Dyb
Robert Baden-Powell, he wot formed the scouts 100 years ago, writing on the character of bees reveals himself to have been quite the fascist.
Hey, best to (sic) be prepared and ever vigilant to the right wing menace. So to quote another famous kook (Intel's Andy Grove),
"They (bees) are quite a model community for they respect their Queen and kill their unemployed."..Ahh, this explains why scouts and brownies are so attired. Clearly the teachings of this man are not as innocuous as we think! Right now, up and down the country, hundred of thousands of Britain's young women and men are being indoctrinated into some hideous new model army intent of overthrowing the Brown-ite junta. And we thought this scouting lark was all about camping and helping little old ladies across roads.
Hey, best to (sic) be prepared and ever vigilant to the right wing menace. So to quote another famous kook (Intel's Andy Grove),
"Only the paranoid survive."
(Juvenile) Platitude Of The Day
Old Chinese proverb say:
"Man who goes to bed with itchy bottom wake up with smelly finger".
Oh how mature :-)
This is just pointless filler. Desist (Ed).
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Platitude Of The Day
"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb."
Sir Winston Churchill
..Sounds like our builders who were only supposed to be with us for four weeks and now it's six, running into seven. I'm sure they've decided to move in for good.
BTW: There's nothing glorious about the state of our kitchen, bathroom or dining area yet..
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Rock and Roll Building Materials
With the builders in, one must try to maintain a sense of humour. So I've been having a bit of inventive fun with silly word association. A Letterman kinda thing..
...and my personal favourite
"Emulsion" Early Van Halen album
"Polyfiller" Backing singer for X-Ray Spex
"Bonding Compound" Exclusive VIP backstage area populated by exceptionally attractive groupies
"Door Frame" Difficult dance move from 'rare groove' Northern Soul '80s revival
"Topps Tiles" chirpy Cockney bandleader from the '60s
"Hack Saw" Throat complaint from trying too hard to hit notes beyond limited range
"Putty" Hashish
"Step Ladder" That 'difficult' third album
"Skirting Board" Studio equipment, state-of-the-art in the '70s
"Joist" 'Putty', lit and sprinkled over cigarette tobacco in Rizla
"Faucet" Beer keg specifically, but increasingly used to denote any supply of booze
"Spirit Level" Point of crowd frenzy at the opening bars of third encore
"Rawl Plug" Country legend
"Veneer" Derivative Dutch rockers of any decade
"Set Square" Didn't make the guest list
"G-Clamp" Ex- gang-banging LA rapper
"Dust sheet" Like a rap sheet, but an on-tour tally of drug-related arrests
"Stanley Knife" Genial head roadie
"Plywood" Danish festival, now in its second decade
"Nail Gun" All female Minneapolis post-punk quartet comprised of members aged 12 - 15 years
"Drywall" South London gay club, popular hang-out of diminutive Aussie divas
"U-Bend" Jamaican ragga star
"Plaster" Norweigian death metallers and Eurovision runners-up
"Skip" First name of over-weight, acneyed 16-year-old stakler fan of Nail Gun's bassist, Linda
"Application Nozzle" Rolled-up £20 note - or similar of any currency
"Render" Female groupie who swings any way you want
...and my personal favourite
"Matt Vinal" Lead singer of late '70s new wave combo Fizzy-Popitty that later morphed into early '80s new romantic 'almost-rans'. Now retails neo-punk tat to Japanese tourists in Camden
Monday, July 23, 2007
Ooh, That Oh So Fresh Feeling
Due to the builders doing their thing at home and that we're still sans bathroom, I'm using the shower facilities at the office gym this week.
While there is the ever present issue of veruka collection and the general foustiness one associates with a dingy basement gym, the choice of tea tree shower gel is maybe even more hazardous -- particularly when washing, ehem, ones middle bits. It's invigoratingly stingy, but strangely pleasing..
However, tea tree or more accurately, Melaleuca Oil (Melaleuca Alternifolia), is good for the following, which should set me up nicely:
- Acne
- Athlete's foot
- Dandruff
- Vaginitis
- Thrush
- Periodontal disease
- As an antiseptic
- Boils
- Lice
- Eczema
- Psoriasis
Humm.
While there is the ever present issue of veruka collection and the general foustiness one associates with a dingy basement gym, the choice of tea tree shower gel is maybe even more hazardous -- particularly when washing, ehem, ones middle bits. It's invigoratingly stingy, but strangely pleasing..
However, tea tree or more accurately, Melaleuca Oil (Melaleuca Alternifolia), is good for the following, which should set me up nicely:
- Acne
- Athlete's foot
- Dandruff
- Vaginitis
- Thrush
- Periodontal disease
- As an antiseptic
- Boils
- Lice
- Eczema
- Psoriasis
Humm.
Friday, July 20, 2007
A lovely Summer's Day
This [colour] shot taken at 12:00 noon today -- Friday, 20th July. (Well, it could well have..) Damnit, this day last week was the 13th.
And it gets worse. The rain's in for months to come. So, St. Swithin's Day a myth..?
I think not. It pissed down on the 15th.
"St Swithin’s Day, if it does rain
Full forty days, it will remain."
Monday, July 16, 2007
The Weather Outside Is Frightful..
..But this is where we're off to for a week in September -- only eight weeks away :-)
The Wrong-(Way-'Round) Pants
I know it's full of PR fluff, but this caught my eye in this morning's Metro.
Workers Suffering 'Huge Sleep Debt'Maybe that's why my underwear is on the wrong way around today..?
"Most British workers now suffer from 'weekend jet lag' due to disrupted sleep during a typical British weekend, a study suggested yesterday. ..The lie-ins and late nights of a typical British weekend leave people with a 'sleep debt' equivalent to a flight from New York on the red eye..," according to caring, informative corporation employing 'creative PR-types' in bid to grab column inches.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Well, It Worked..
..Charlie's calling for is sister, that is.
Amazingly only one day later than forecast, Madeleine Ann Atkinson gave mum a nudge early Saturday evening and made a speedy debut at 20:29 -- and after only about two hours of labour.
Good time keeping and a minimum of fuss are admirable qualities in any woman.
Welcome little one!
Amazingly only one day later than forecast, Madeleine Ann Atkinson gave mum a nudge early Saturday evening and made a speedy debut at 20:29 -- and after only about two hours of labour.
Good time keeping and a minimum of fuss are admirable qualities in any woman.
Welcome little one!
Friday, June 29, 2007
Novel Way To Enduce Childbirth..
..Or funny Charlie #2.
My sister's about to produce her second child anytime now -- this time a girl. While Madeleine Ann, a sensible girl's name has been selected, the 'bump' has, for many months, been nicknamed after a commonal-garden vegetable.
So with the arrival of a long-awaited sister imminent, my nephew Charlie greets the day by shouting ‘Come out Cabbage!’ at his mum’s belly every morning.
Precious.
My sister's about to produce her second child anytime now -- this time a girl. While Madeleine Ann, a sensible girl's name has been selected, the 'bump' has, for many months, been nicknamed after a commonal-garden vegetable.
So with the arrival of a long-awaited sister imminent, my nephew Charlie greets the day by shouting ‘Come out Cabbage!’ at his mum’s belly every morning.
Precious.
Blog 2.Bollox
I've been scooting around the wibbly-wobbly instead of working recently (well, it's my bat, ball and game, so poo to you..) and have happened upon rather a lot of earnest outpourings of a Stephen Hawkins nature from many proffesional types.
For instance, go to the Friendly Ghost link on the right and check-out all the links there. (NB: 'Caspar' is an ex-colleague, damn fine writer and adept, if quizzical blogger). What d'ya get? Mucho naval gazing and angst-ridden bogs authored by many, many commies (communications peeps) about the working world they inhabit.
All I ever post about is my rickety little house, cuddly dog, P and beloved Chel-WUss-Ee.
I'm now overcome with smugness in the knowledge that my priorities seem properly placed.
But then only P, Alex and RJB read the thing anyway, so unlikely to cause much offence or grace the pages of PR Wank.
For instance, go to the Friendly Ghost link on the right and check-out all the links there. (NB: 'Caspar' is an ex-colleague, damn fine writer and adept, if quizzical blogger). What d'ya get? Mucho naval gazing and angst-ridden bogs authored by many, many commies (communications peeps) about the working world they inhabit.
One day I'll learn how to hot-link these things in the text.Eeks, it's only a job and most of it silly PR at that. To hear them chunter so passionately about drivvel-dressed-as-consequence is really quite amusing. Hey -- It ain't HBR, you know..?
All I ever post about is my rickety little house, cuddly dog, P and beloved Chel-WUss-Ee.
I'm now overcome with smugness in the knowledge that my priorities seem properly placed.
But then only P, Alex and RJB read the thing anyway, so unlikely to cause much offence or grace the pages of PR Wank.
S'ppose everyone has their own motivations to scribble.. Dumpling's, like mine, is a homely-sort of missive of recipies and pussy cats. Goodwin's [sadly locked-down to the NFI] gonzo 'Fear And Loathing In Dubai' provides tales of debauched excess in the desert. (Ha -- Henry Goes To Barca :-)) PJ and Penny are long-resting, and Alex hasn't yet got past homepage design selection. There's even one eejit out there who list songs everyday..Ho hum. Off to muse in florid tones on the critical strategic importance of scissors and sticky tape in the modern global business environment, or some such. HBR it might be..
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Savage Garden
Has it really been over a month since that last post? Heck, time flies and much has happened since then.
Went on holiday and the garden was something akin to an overgrown mud bath (pre-Glastonbury too). Return, and it's fit for Homes and Gardens. ..Well, the 'Gardens' bit anyway.
Hey -- it might be raining ALL THE TIME, but it's good for the new plants ;-)
We'll make it into the 'Homes' part of the mag too in about three/four weeks when the builders are done sacking the place and have completed the rebuilding.
What else has been going on? Oh yeah, P is in the throes of planning to build/do-up a house on our idyllic Grecian hideaway, Kastellorizo. ..More of that in another post.
Went on holiday and the garden was something akin to an overgrown mud bath (pre-Glastonbury too). Return, and it's fit for Homes and Gardens. ..Well, the 'Gardens' bit anyway.
Hey -- it might be raining ALL THE TIME, but it's good for the new plants ;-)
We'll make it into the 'Homes' part of the mag too in about three/four weeks when the builders are done sacking the place and have completed the rebuilding.
Durr -- It didn't occur to me that we'd be without water/washing facilities for the duration of a bathroom redesign and re-fit. So off to the country a few miles up the Chiltern Line for a week or so to maintain regular bathing routines and avoid having our BO becoming a public health issue for us, friends, colleagues and London's general citizenry.
What else has been going on? Oh yeah, P is in the throes of planning to build/do-up a house on our idyllic Grecian hideaway, Kastellorizo. ..More of that in another post.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Job Done (..Kinda)
League Cup and FA Cup winners 2006/2007. Runners up in the Premiership -- some way off ManUre, but a clear 15 points ahead of Liverpool and Arsenal. And semi-finalists in the Champions League.Should have kept it tighter over Christmas/January and scored many more goals -- in open play and as penalties -- in April/early May to truly compete..
But all-in-all, not all bad for the 2007/2008 Champions.
Carefree
Friday, May 18, 2007
Blue Is The Colour..
..of the sky.
Yay. The sun returns to this soggy island after a long, long absence.
So, Q: Is the colour above an omen for tomorrow.
Thinking about the final -- I'm convinced we can do it. Just that we need to come out of the traps chomping. (Remember Di Mateo in '97..?).
Of course, I'm expecting some needle from ManUre about Yorkies -- but hey, a man's gotta defend his family and who the hell goes to confiscate a dog at 10:30pm on a Wednesday evening? West London police are clearly all gooners..
Carefree
Yay. The sun returns to this soggy island after a long, long absence.
So, Q: Is the colour above an omen for tomorrow.
Thinking about the final -- I'm convinced we can do it. Just that we need to come out of the traps chomping. (Remember Di Mateo in '97..?).
Of course, I'm expecting some needle from ManUre about Yorkies -- but hey, a man's gotta defend his family and who the hell goes to confiscate a dog at 10:30pm on a Wednesday evening? West London police are clearly all gooners..
Carefree
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
The Halo Effect
At last, some good news. (Well there's a lot ot be happy about, just that I'm a bit 'Meldrew' today..)Microsoft announces the launch date for Halo3 -- Wednesday, 26 September. That gives me a good two+ months of gaming ahead of little Roo's arrival late year. :-)
Yes Simon. Now I'll buy an Xbox360.
Oh, and the sun has made an appearance after about three weeks..
It's all too good. Now surely something catastrophic is bound to happen.
Superstition
"Very superstitious, writing's on the wall.."
..Well, we have a Banksy in the Green.
But I wonder (sic)
Jose getting arrested for ownership of a rabid Yorkie and no end in sight to this Biblically dismal weather..
The omens are woeful.
We're doomed.
..Well, we have a Banksy in the Green.
But I wonder (sic)
su·per·sti·tion, noun:- "..belief in the existence or power of the supernatural; irrational fear of the unknown; a religion or practice based on such tendencies; widely held but wrong idea."Not only am I hounded by a sole magpie each morning (sorrow), but now black cats are routinely getting in my way (is this good? I'm confused..)
- Oxford Dictionary
Jose getting arrested for ownership of a rabid Yorkie and no end in sight to this Biblically dismal weather..
The omens are woeful.
We're doomed.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Act Local
We're getting active; involved; grass roots.
Right on, brother.
Yesterday evening, P attended a Hackney planning open house and was the only non-NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) in attendance. Amid a mass of ill-informed, knee-jerk busy-bodies, she was the only reasonable, sensible, level-headed home-improver there.
The reason: we want to extend, and extend big stylee. Upwards, which means mansard roof extension.
So the scheming, conniving "Gordon Brown will make a great interim Prime Minister ahead of David Milliband" lobbyist that she is, managed to work her slick brand of spin on the council's head planning officer.
But not to be out-done, I'm getting in on the act too and must cancel my attendance at lunch with friends tomorrow in favour of the totally mega 'Composting In The Park', which, as the Hackney junta put it, promises to be "A great day out in Clissold Park."
Hey, I really, really want to win a wormery.
..Spectrum is Green
Right on, brother.
Yesterday evening, P attended a Hackney planning open house and was the only non-NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) in attendance. Amid a mass of ill-informed, knee-jerk busy-bodies, she was the only reasonable, sensible, level-headed home-improver there.
The reason: we want to extend, and extend big stylee. Upwards, which means mansard roof extension.So the scheming, conniving "Gordon Brown will make a great interim Prime Minister ahead of David Milliband" lobbyist that she is, managed to work her slick brand of spin on the council's head planning officer.
..Though we also think he was just pleased to speak to someone not berating him for national government housing policy (something he has no control over), refuse collection (again, beyond his p-l-a-n-n-i-n-g remit), or the lousy weather (God's department, I believe..).At issue is the fact that the council has held an unoffical moratorium on granting permission for mansard extensions in our neck of the woods for about two years. Only now is outlining a clear policy. This is good for us as we now know what will and will not meet with planning -- an important consideration if you're going to pitch-up a wad of cash for an architect only to go nowhere..
But not to be out-done, I'm getting in on the act too and must cancel my attendance at lunch with friends tomorrow in favour of the totally mega 'Composting In The Park', which, as the Hackney junta put it, promises to be "A great day out in Clissold Park." Hey, I really, really want to win a wormery.
..Spectrum is Green
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Quite A Record
This from the BBC's Web site about tonight's penultimate Premiership game. Impressive statistics however you cut it..
Carefree
Chelsea clinched their second successive Premiership title with a 3-0 win in this equivalent fixture last season. This time around they must relinquish that crown to their visitors Manchester United, in a dress rehearsal for the FA Cup final. Jose Mourinho will be hoping to retain his undefeated League record at Stamford Bridge. The Blues are unbeaten in 61 home League games - 55 in the tutorage of the current incumbent. Indeed the Portuguese chief has masterminded a combined total of 93 home League matches without defeat - last losing on 23 February 2002 when FC Porto were beaten 2-1 by Beira Mar.
Although they're ending the season second best to (sic) ManUre, Chelsea are on a longer current unbeaten League run than United of 12 matches, they've lost fewer Premiership games (three to United's four) and conceded fewer goals (23 to 26). Victory will close the unassailable gap between them to four points.
Mourinho's only defeat to United was 1-0 in last season's trip to Old Trafford which ended their 40-game unbeaten Premiership sequence. They've since thrashed them in last season's corresponding fixture, and shared two goals in a classic game of two halves at the Theatre of Dreams in November. The Londoners have lost one of the last eight League clashes at the Bridge, winning the last three.
Sir Alex Ferguson's side are chasing a first point and a first goal in four visits to the west Londoners.
Carefree
Monday, May 07, 2007
Hell Hound On My Tail
All those years of watching late night horrors and listening to 'The Devil's music' has caught-up on me.
Regardless of the rain, this morning, Ems and I extended our walk to take-in Abney Park Cemetary -- something we habitually do nowadays (see earlier entry).
Maybe it was the fact that I was soaked and cold, maybe I'm just over sensitive this weekend with bad weather and even worse football.
Whatever. Early-on into the cemetary, I was overtaken by heavy goose-bumps, a strong feeling of static electricity and the sense that there was someone/something at my back. It was most uncomfortable and like a wuss, I high-tailed it outta there.
Pooch, though, didn't seem overly perturbed. But then, they do say that dogs have a keener sense to these things than we. She probably spends all her waking hours 'seeing dead people' and to her, Abney Park is always like some sort of Piccadilly Circus for the departed.
Anyway, next weekend, I'm insisting that P comes along to hold my hand.
...Boo!
Regardless of the rain, this morning, Ems and I extended our walk to take-in Abney Park Cemetary -- something we habitually do nowadays (see earlier entry).
Maybe it was the fact that I was soaked and cold, maybe I'm just over sensitive this weekend with bad weather and even worse football.
Whatever. Early-on into the cemetary, I was overtaken by heavy goose-bumps, a strong feeling of static electricity and the sense that there was someone/something at my back. It was most uncomfortable and like a wuss, I high-tailed it outta there.Pooch, though, didn't seem overly perturbed. But then, they do say that dogs have a keener sense to these things than we. She probably spends all her waking hours 'seeing dead people' and to her, Abney Park is always like some sort of Piccadilly Circus for the departed.
Anyway, next weekend, I'm insisting that P comes along to hold my hand.
...Boo!
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Or Maybe Not..
That dream thing might have been about next season, or the one after that.. Who knows? Anyway, ManUre have it and well done to them. A concession. With Drogba, Robben and Cole 'resting', it's on to Wembley (and next season) for us.
Carefree
Carefree
Friday, May 04, 2007
I Had A Dream Jo(se)
I dreamt numbers. I dreamt football. I had a dream.
And maybe all’s not lost..
The past fortnight has been a horrid, torrid time for CFC of edging nearer and dropping further in the Premiership.
Champion’s League dramas not withstanding, it’s been a rollercoaster domestic season. Indeed, in a way, it’s nice that Europe’s behind us.
The portent didn’t reveal anything about our respective final games – Everton (us) and West Ham (them). Nor did it give me a glimpse of the Wembley result either. My radar is clearly quite near-term and needs fine-tuning.
Now all I need tonight is a sense of the winner of the 3:15 at Epsom and Saturday’s lottery numbers.
And maybe all’s not lost..
The past fortnight has been a horrid, torrid time for CFC of edging nearer and dropping further in the Premiership.
Champion’s League dramas not withstanding, it’s been a rollercoaster domestic season. Indeed, in a way, it’s nice that Europe’s behind us.
[Let’s get one thing straight Jose – if you don’t score goals, you don’t win. Liverpool scored, we didn’t. They deserve to be in Athens. End of. And why wasn’t Drogba – the season’s highest goal-scorer up for a penalty in favour of Robben (no game for seven weeks) or the second-string Geremi? Finally, management requires an equal measure of gravitas and humility to counter confidence and self belief. Outbursts of this week are 'Special Needs' not 'Special One', bud..]But anyway, last night I dreamt and the portents are good. In my vision ManUre lose to Man City tomorrow and we beat Arsenal on Sunday. Moreover, I had a strong sense that we go on to beat ManUre at the Bridge next week to nudge ahead at the top by a point.
The portent didn’t reveal anything about our respective final games – Everton (us) and West Ham (them). Nor did it give me a glimpse of the Wembley result either. My radar is clearly quite near-term and needs fine-tuning.
Now all I need tonight is a sense of the winner of the 3:15 at Epsom and Saturday’s lottery numbers.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Gang Of Four
Domesticity overtakes us at a lightening pace. Our two-person, one dog collective will be added to by year's end.
The wonderful, talented P is with child and carrying little [TBC] Joe (boy) or Rowan (girl) S. I'm told that there's yet some negotiation on the naming, but I tend get my way in the end.
Mum's doing well and hasn't been subject to too many prenatal nasties. Dad's enjoying peace and quiet while he can -- a relative concept when you live with a springer..
Anyway, there's no smoking or drinking chez nous -- well, both the former and latter for Pippa -- not me ;-).
Mothercare. People Movers. And oceans of vomit to come. Yeah.
Picture: Twee, moi?
Carefree
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
You couldn't Make This Up..
This is the headline from a Datamonitor study into the leading players in a specific pharmaceutical market.
Penetration Sought In Erectile Dysfunction Market
Also, closing the gap on Pfizer's blockbuster Viagra in this, ehem, growing market, is a Korean firm appropriately named Dong-A PharmTech Co.
Precious.
Penetration Sought In Erectile Dysfunction Market
Also, closing the gap on Pfizer's blockbuster Viagra in this, ehem, growing market, is a Korean firm appropriately named Dong-A PharmTech Co.
Precious.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
The Future Is Unwritten .. Well 'Till Thursday
I've never been to a film premiere before so I'm very excited about Thursday night.
OK. It's not exactly a world premiere -- that was at Sundance late last year -- but it is an advanced showing ahead of its 18 May UK release.
The film is "The Future Is Unwritten", Julian Temple's bio-pic of Joe Strummer.
I do, without equivocation, rate the erstwhile John Graham (Woody) Mellor as my absolute hero.
But then we must always remember that heroes are human and therefore fallible.
For instance, I was left with a rather sour taste after devouring Chris Salewicz' brilliant (official) biography "Redemption Song" recently. The reportage was accurate, detailed, personal and importantly, sanctioned. Moreover it was honest.
No one's perfect and Joe was nowhere near perfect. He was real. He was complex. And what's the point in fawning sycophancy?
I'm not going to re-write history or serve as a muso/pop-soc/socio-political critic. There's plenty of words about Joe out there and Wikipedia's profile is as good a place as any to start.
That said, I am hoping that the film will be a wee bit more 'enjoyable' than the book. [I know, enjoyable's the wrong word ..Satisfying? Direct? Telling?]. Either way, surely the medium of film is more visually and aurally appropriate to understanding and appreciating the man and his work? His was a musical art afterall, with a bit of film acting and scoring thrown-in for good measure..
Oh, even though in his later years Mr. Strummer preferred The Groucho to The Elgin, forget about Leicester Square as the venue. The advanced screening's part of the East End Film Festival and is at the Rio in Dalson -- just down the road from us.
OK. It's not exactly a world premiere -- that was at Sundance late last year -- but it is an advanced showing ahead of its 18 May UK release.
The film is "The Future Is Unwritten", Julian Temple's bio-pic of Joe Strummer.
I do, without equivocation, rate the erstwhile John Graham (Woody) Mellor as my absolute hero.
But then we must always remember that heroes are human and therefore fallible. For instance, I was left with a rather sour taste after devouring Chris Salewicz' brilliant (official) biography "Redemption Song" recently. The reportage was accurate, detailed, personal and importantly, sanctioned. Moreover it was honest.
No one's perfect and Joe was nowhere near perfect. He was real. He was complex. And what's the point in fawning sycophancy?
I'm not going to re-write history or serve as a muso/pop-soc/socio-political critic. There's plenty of words about Joe out there and Wikipedia's profile is as good a place as any to start.
That said, I am hoping that the film will be a wee bit more 'enjoyable' than the book. [I know, enjoyable's the wrong word ..Satisfying? Direct? Telling?]. Either way, surely the medium of film is more visually and aurally appropriate to understanding and appreciating the man and his work? His was a musical art afterall, with a bit of film acting and scoring thrown-in for good measure..
Oh, even though in his later years Mr. Strummer preferred The Groucho to The Elgin, forget about Leicester Square as the venue. The advanced screening's part of the East End Film Festival and is at the Rio in Dalson -- just down the road from us.
Monday, April 23, 2007
That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore (Or Ever)
And now a joke (of sorts) made up today by Charlie, my four-and-a-half-year-old godson.
Q: Why do chefs plough the fields?
A: Because they don't like cooking.
Surrealist? Absurdist?
Hey, it didn't do Spike Milligan any harm and according to Saturday's Guardian magazine, he coined that oh so amusing joke below.
Q: Why do chefs plough the fields?
A: Because they don't like cooking.
Surrealist? Absurdist?
Hey, it didn't do Spike Milligan any harm and according to Saturday's Guardian magazine, he coined that oh so amusing joke below.
Smells Like..
It hasn't rained in London since some way before Easter. That's over four weeks. But this morning we've just had a very light spinkling which causes one of the best smells in the world -- light rain on dusty streets. It really is a sign of summer. Kind-of like new mown grass.
Stop Me If You've Heard his One Before
I know it's old, but it is considered -- through scientific study -- to be the funniest joke ever..
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Too much Pressure
So we bottled it. With ManUre dropping two points to a feisty Middlesbrough on Saturday, all we had to do was dispatch Newcastle at St. James' yesterday afternoon. After a convincing four-one away against the Hammers last week, one would have thought we were back to scoring ways.
Well, we aren't (back to scoring) and we didn't (beat Newcastle). We didn't trouble their goal and we didn't compete in midfield. In fact the Geordies pretty-much ran the show for 94 minutes and actually came close on a couple of occasions. We can complain about dodgy reffing decisions and disallowed penalties, but hey, play to the whistle and quit moaning.
So, onto the next ones -- a double-header this week and next against Liverpool for a place in the Champions League Final. Oh, and we host Bolton on Saturday -- never an easy fixture, especially when they're playing for a UEFA place next season.
Grrr.
Finally, to the FA Cup.
The new Wembley has a capacity of 90,000.
Chelsea FC currently has 27,267 season ticket holders, (22,606 non-hospitality/4661 hospitality). It also has nearly 70,000 members.
Chelsea (and ManUre) will receive a total of 25,000 tickets from the FA -- aka Fekkin Ar**holes -- for the Cup Final.
This means that 50,000 tickets will go to partisans and 40,000 will go to sponsors and an odd assortment of footballing trainspotters, geeks and weirdos.
Some 23,000 tickets will go to other clubs and grass roots and other football organisations. Erm, OK. Why would a groundsman from, say, Colchester or a ticketer from Oldham get dibbs?
And a stack -- 17,000 -- have been allocated to to some f***wit outfit called Club Wembley -- an affiliation of eejits who'd prefer to pitch-up a wad of cash for a guaranteed decade of crap like England Ladies XI v Luxembourg Ladies XI and Robbie Williams.
Vitriol misplaced? Au contraire. If you Google for tickets, there are thousands available -- even though they haven't yet been released -- and all for upwards of £1,500 each. So our assorted spotters and freaks are making hay while we true supporters either pay though the nose or watch on telly..
Isn't this season stressful enough?
I wish I'd followed my father and become a Villa supporter. I wouldn't have to worry about any of this stuff..
Carefree
Well, we aren't (back to scoring) and we didn't (beat Newcastle). We didn't trouble their goal and we didn't compete in midfield. In fact the Geordies pretty-much ran the show for 94 minutes and actually came close on a couple of occasions. We can complain about dodgy reffing decisions and disallowed penalties, but hey, play to the whistle and quit moaning.
So, onto the next ones -- a double-header this week and next against Liverpool for a place in the Champions League Final. Oh, and we host Bolton on Saturday -- never an easy fixture, especially when they're playing for a UEFA place next season.
Grrr.
Finally, to the FA Cup.
The new Wembley has a capacity of 90,000.
Chelsea FC currently has 27,267 season ticket holders, (22,606 non-hospitality/4661 hospitality). It also has nearly 70,000 members.
Chelsea (and ManUre) will receive a total of 25,000 tickets from the FA -- aka Fekkin Ar**holes -- for the Cup Final.
This means that 50,000 tickets will go to partisans and 40,000 will go to sponsors and an odd assortment of footballing trainspotters, geeks and weirdos.
Some 23,000 tickets will go to other clubs and grass roots and other football organisations. Erm, OK. Why would a groundsman from, say, Colchester or a ticketer from Oldham get dibbs?
And a stack -- 17,000 -- have been allocated to to some f***wit outfit called Club Wembley -- an affiliation of eejits who'd prefer to pitch-up a wad of cash for a guaranteed decade of crap like England Ladies XI v Luxembourg Ladies XI and Robbie Williams.
Vitriol misplaced? Au contraire. If you Google for tickets, there are thousands available -- even though they haven't yet been released -- and all for upwards of £1,500 each. So our assorted spotters and freaks are making hay while we true supporters either pay though the nose or watch on telly..
Isn't this season stressful enough?
I wish I'd followed my father and become a Villa supporter. I wouldn't have to worry about any of this stuff..
Carefree
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Highway To Hell
Caution with that Internet browser thingie -- especially when using a work laptop at home.I've been online for 11 years now and so know what I'm doing in the wibbly-webby world. Well, I like to think I do. But occasionally even the most experienced of us surfers take a wrong turn.
The Wi-Fi connection to the iMac at home is practically non-existent and Steve Jobs' pretty little pooter is a good year past its best. It's time for us to upgrade and following the lead of RJB and PJ we're going Gates. (Frankly, PJ should should know about this stuff -- it is his job as a tech analyst after all). In the meantime I use my work laptop at home over the weekend.
Anyhow, left to my own devices for a couple of hours last weekend, I was browsing for rock and roll info and memorabilia. I thought that I'd visit the site of a rather famous Australian heavy rock outfit and see if there are any good looking Donnington t-shirts and cheap CDs out there. Note: 'DC's catalogue isn't available on iTunes.
But instead of using the handy Google toolbar I usually use to navigate, I typed something like ACDC.com directly into the address bar and pressed return.
Eeks. Thunderstruck. But for all the wrong reasons.
Instead of Angus Young and gang, there's ladies and men and ladies and ladies all sans clothes and in poses.. You get the drift..
(I don't know the actual URL [really!] and I'm too scared to go look now).
I know I was there a matter of moments, but now I've got nasty cookies and I'm certain that IT will send me a stern memo about correct use of corporate equipment.
So memo to self: Use Google. And you don't need any more heavy 12 bar blues-based rock music.
Dogged Ambition
While I've miserably failed over the years to quit an unpleasant nicotine addiction, I did manage to stop chewing my nails well over a decade ago. And I've successfully resisted gnawing my digits since.
But with the current football madness of CFC -- scrapping every game to keep ManUre in sight in the Prem, a double-header against our nemesis of recent seasons (scaarase gits) in the Champions League semis and the prospect of battling The Red Dung again in the FA Cup Final -- my fingers (and nerves) are raw.
Great to see SWP coming good and just waiting for Joe Cole to find his touch again. There's yet much hope and still all to play for.
But it would be nice if Ronaldo could catch a cold, or something..
Carefree
But with the current football madness of CFC -- scrapping every game to keep ManUre in sight in the Prem, a double-header against our nemesis of recent seasons (scaarase gits) in the Champions League semis and the prospect of battling The Red Dung again in the FA Cup Final -- my fingers (and nerves) are raw.
Great to see SWP coming good and just waiting for Joe Cole to find his touch again. There's yet much hope and still all to play for.
But it would be nice if Ronaldo could catch a cold, or something..
Carefree